Desert Bus: This is a Long Driving Game for Someone With Nothing To Think About

Desert Bus is a horrible, horrible driving game -- and it was meant to be. In the game, you're tasked with driving a bus from Tucson to Las Vegas. The trick is, you have to drive the bus in realtime, at a maximum speed of 45mph -- which means that the trip takes eight hours of continuous gameplay to complete (and there is no "pause" feature). The steering wheel pulls slightly to the right, so you have to sit there and actually "drive" the whole time. Upon completion of the trip, you get one point. One. If you go off the (almost completely featureless) road at any point, you are towed back (again in realtime) by a towing company, as you watch helplessly. It's utterly maddening. Oh, and once you complete the trip you're offered the option to drive the bus BACK on the same trip. The only blessings seem to be the lack of traffic and the pine tree air-freshener twirling from the rearview mirror. (The mirror shows that the bus is completely empty.)

The game was designed by Penn & Teller as part of their unreleased 1995 Sega CD game pack called "Smoke and Mirrors," and was a response to the Clinton administration's declamation of violent videogames. Instead of violence, "Desert Bus" features dullness. What's surprising is that there actually are a few (very minor) things that happen during your eight hours on the road. While I haven't played the eight hours, Andy Baio reports that there is a "bug splat" on the windshield at various points, you sometimes pass road signs, the lighting changes as day turns to night, and, as I mentioned earlier, if you go off the road you'll be towed back. If you complete the eight-hour trip, you get a screen showing your total number of points (with seven leading zeroes, thus a single successful trip would show the point counter at 00000001), and a clock showing your total play time.

Here's a video of a play session (I urge you to zip through parts of it, as there is almost literally nothing to see for large stretches of the game...or maybe you'll find the utter dullness soothing):

If you like "Desert Bus" (or at least appreciate its cruelty), you'll dig Andy Baio's article Metagames: Games About Games. He categorizes "Desert Bus" under "Abusive Games." Other categories include "Minimalist Games," "Game Mechanics Gone Wild," and "Violent Games."

Cory Doctorow, Flickr // CC BY-SA 2.0
Pop Culture
When MAD Magazine Got in Trouble for Printing Counterfeit Money
Cory Doctorow, Flickr // CC BY-SA 2.0
Cory Doctorow, Flickr // CC BY-SA 2.0

MAD magazine has always prided itself on being a subversive, counter-culture presence. Since its founding in 1952, many celebrated comedians have credited the publication with forming their irreverent sense of humor, and scholars have noted that it has regularly served as a primer for young readers on how to question authority. That attitude frequently brought the magazine to the attention of the FBI, who kept a file on its numerous perceived infractions—like offering readers a "draft dodger" card or providing tips on writing an effective extortion letter.

The magazine's "Usual Gang of Idiots" outdid themselves in late 1967, though, when issue #115 featured what was clearly a phony depiction of U.S. currency. In addition to being valued at $3—a denomination unrecognized by the government—it featured the dim-witted face of MAD mascot Alfred E. Neuman.

The infamous $3 bill published in a 1967 issue of 'Mad' magazine
MAD Magazine

When taken at its moronic face value, there was absolutely no way anyone with any sense could have confused the bill for actual money. But what MAD hadn't accounted for was that a machine might do exactly that. Around the time of the issue's release, automated coin change machines were beginning to pop up around the country. Used in laundromats, casinos, and other places where someone needed coins rather than bills, people would feed their dollars into the unit and receive an equal amount of change in return.

At that time, these machines were not terribly sophisticated. And as a few enterprising types discovered, they didn't have the technology to really tell Alfred E. Neuman's face from George Washington's. In Las Vegas and Texas, coin unit operators were dismayed to discover that people had been feeding the phony MAD bill into the slots and getting actual money in return.

How frequently this happened isn't detailed in any source we could locate. But in 1995, MAD editor Al Feldstein, who guided the publication from its origins as a slim comic book to netting 2.7 million readers per issue, told The Comics Journal that it was enough to warrant a visit from the U.S. Treasury Department.

"We had published a three-dollar bill as some part of an article in the early days of MAD, and it was working in these new change machines which weren't as sensitive as they are now, and they only read the face," Feldstein said. "They didn't read the back. [The Treasury Department] demanded the artwork and said it was counterfeit money. So Bill [Gaines, the publisher] thought this whole thing was ridiculous, but here, take it, here's a printing of a three-dollar bill."

Feldstein later elaborated on the incident in a 2002 email interview with author Al Norris. "It lacked etched details, machined scrolls, and all of the accouterments of a genuine bill," Feldstein wrote. "But it was, however, freakishly being recognized as a one-dollar bill by the newly-introduced, relatively primitive, technically unsophisticated change machines … and giving back quarters or whatever to anyone who inserted it into one. It was probably the owner of those machines in Las Vegas that complained to the U. S. Treasury Department."

Feldstein went on to say that the government employees demanded the "printing plates" for the bill, but the magazine had already disposed of them. The entire experience, Feldstein said, was "unbelievable."

The visit didn't entirely discourage the magazine from trafficking in fake currency. In 1979, a MAD board game featured a $1,329,063 bill. A few decades later, a "twe" (three) dollar bill was circulated as a promotional item. The bills were slightly smaller than the dimensions of actual money—just in case anyone thought a depiction of Alfred E. Neuman's gap-toothed portrait was evidence of valid U.S. currency.

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Watch 18 Minutes of Julia Louis-Dreyfus Seinfeld Bloopers
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Getty Images

Sometimes you just need to settle in and watch professional actors cracking up, over and over. That's what we have for you today.

In the two videos below, we get a total of 18 minutes of Seinfeld bloopers, specifically focused on Julia Louis-Dreyfus. When Louis-Dreyfus cracks up, Seinfeld can't help but make it worse, goading her. It's delightful.

Sample quote (during an extended break):

Seinfeld: "We won an Emmy, you know."

Louis-Dreyfus: "Yeah, but I didn't."

Her individual Seinfeld Emmy arrived in 1996; the show started winning in 1992. But in September 2017, Louis-Dreyfus—who turns 57 years old today—set a couple of Emmy records when she won her sixth award for playing Selina Meyer on Veep.


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