The Tumblr White People Rapping Poorly is devoted to cataloging, you guessed it: bad raps by white people. It's off the hook...um...y'all. Their mission statement: "Science has show that for every Eminem, there are approximately 598,467 white people that try to rap but can't. This is devoted to bringing you the best of the worst."
A classic. Sort of.
Denny Blaze writes: "I'm just a middle class guy who's trying to express myself through my rap music. Once you watch my video, you'll just be BLAZED! This is THE ORIGINAL FULL LENGTH VIDEO including an MTV message!!!!"
Cookin' With Gas
The video's poster writes: "An educational rap video on the natural gas cooking safety that I performed in. What a crazy awful mullet!" Note: contains at least one non-white person rapping. The quality of said rapping is unaffected.
Liberal Democrats Rap
Actual lyrics: "Get the Lib Dems / in the house by the Thames / and the country'll be all right / so you can sleep tight." The video's posters do include this note: "DISCLAIMER: This video should be taken with a tongue in cheek approach."
BioRap (DNA Replication and Protein Synthesis with a Beat)
The site's author writes:
This, without exaggeration, is the worst thing I have ever posted here. It is everything that this site is based on rolled into one. Terrible topic, awful rapping, [expletive] video, and the cherry on top: Splicing in random clips of black guys rapping to give it some semblance of street cred. I normally don't explicitly ask people to reblog things, but if you haven't, this is the one. The world needs to know about this so that it never happens again.
Spoiler alert: this video kinda ruins the plot of Twilight. And these girls' street cred.
Math Teacher Raps Run This Town (Jay-Z) - Quadratic Equation / Formula
Points for effort, I guess. The site's author writes:
There's a bunch of videos of math teachers taking equations and problems and making them into raps. They're all terrible, and I suggest if you have some time look at the related videos if you want to cry about the current state of humanity....
Tufts Rap (Featuring Harry Potter References)
Laura Potel wanted to go to Tufts. Let's hope this rap helped.
MC Frontalot: A White Person Rapping Properly
My favorite nerdcore rapper shows us how it's done. (Warning: contains some NSFW language.)
Missed your chance to watch ABBA perform live at the peak of their popularity? You’re in luck: Fans will soon be able to see the group in concert in all their chart-topping, 1970s glory—or rather, they’ll be able to see their holograms. As Mashable reports, a virtual version of the Swedish pop band is getting ready to go on tour.
ABBA split up in 1982, and the band hasn't been on tour since. (Though they did get together for a surprise reunion performance in 2016.) All four members of ABBA are still alive, but apparently not up for reentering the concert circuit when they can earn money on a holographic tour from the comfort of their homes.
The musicians of ABBA have already had the necessary measurements taken to bring their digital selves to life. The final holograms will resemble the band in the late 1970s, with their images projected in front of physical performers. Part of the show will be played live, but the main vocals will be lifted from original ABBA records and recordings of their 1977 Australian tour.
ABBA won’t be the first musical act to perform via hologram. Tupac Shakur, Michael Jackson, and Dean Martin have all been revived using the technology, but this may be one of the first times computerized avatars are standing in for big-name performers who are still around. ABBA super-fans will find out if “SOS” still sounds as catchy from the mouths of holograms when the tour launches in 2019.
Cold, calculating, unfeeling—none of the stereotypes associated with robots seem to describe makers of great art. But that hasn’t stopped roboticists from trying to engineer the next Picasso in a lab. Some machines and algorithms are capable of crafting works impressive enough to fool even the toughest critics. As for the rest of the robot artists and writers out there, let’s just say they won’t have creative types fearing for their jobs anytime soon.
1. A BEATLES-ESQUE POP SONG
If you heard the song above at a party or in a crowded store, you might assume it’s just a generic pop tune. But if you listened closer, you’d hear the dissonant vocals and nonsense lyrics that place this number in the sonic equivalent of the uncanny valley. “Daddy’s Car” was composed by an artificial intelligence system from the Sony CSL Research Laboratory. After analyzing sheet music from a variety of artists and genres, the AI generated the words, harmony, and melody for the song. A human composer chose the style (1960s Beatles-style pop) and did the producing and mixing, but other than that the music is all machine. It may not have topped the pop charts, but the song did give us the genius lyric: “Down on the ground, the rainbow led me to the sun.”
2. A NOVEL THAT MADE IT PAST THE FIRST ROUND OF A FICTION CONTEST
Will the next War and Peace be written by a complex computer algorithm? Probably not, but that isn’t to say that AI can’t compose some serviceable fiction with help from human minds. In 2016, a team of Japanese researchers invented a program and fed it the plot, characters, and general structure of an original story. They also wrote sentences for the system to choose from, so the content of the novel relied heavily on humans. But the final product and the work required to string the components together was made possible by AI. The researchers submitted the story to Japan's Nikkei Hoshi Shinichi Literary Contest where it made it past the first round of judging. Though one notable Japanese author praised the novel for its structure, he also said there were some character description issues holding it back.
3. A 'NEW' REMBRANDT PAINTING
Robin Van Lonkhuijsen/AFP/Getty Images
In 2016, a 3D printer did something extraordinary: It produced a brand new painting in the spirit of a long-dead artist. The piece, titled “The Next Rembrandt,” would fit right in at an exhibition of art from the 17th-century Dutch painter. But this work is entirely modern. Bas Korsten, creative director at the Amsterdam-based advertising firm J. Walter Thompson, had a computer program analyze 346 Rembrandt paintings over 18 months. Every element of the final image, from the age of the subject and the color of his clothes to the physical brushstrokes, is reminiscent of the artist’s distinct style. But while it’s good enough to fool the amateur art fan, it failed to hold up under scruntiny from Rembrandt experts.
4. DREARY LOVE POETRY
What do you get when you dump thousands of unpublished romance novels into an AI system? Some incredibly bleak poetry, as Google discovered in 2016. The purpose of the neural network was to connect two separate sentences from a book into one whole thought. The result gave us such existential gems as this excerpt:
"there is no one else in the world.
there is no one else in sight.
they were the only ones who mattered.
they were the only ones left.
he had to be with me.
she had to be with him.
i had to do this.
i wanted to kill him.
i started to cry."
To be fair, the algorithm was designed to construct natural-sounding sentences rather than write great verse. But that doesn’t stop the passages from sounding oddly poetic.
5. A CREEPY CHRISTMAS SONG
Christmas songs rely heavily on formulas and cliches, aka ideal neural network fodder. So you’d think that an AI program would be capable of whipping up a fairly decent holiday tune, but a project from the University of Toronto proved this isn’t as easy as it sounds. Their algorithm was prompted to compose the song above based on a digital image of a Christmas tree. From there it somehow came up with trippy lyrics like, “I’ve always been there for the rest of our lives.”
6. A CROWDSOURCED ABSTRACT PAINTING
The image above was painted by the mechanical arm of a robot, but naming the true artist of the piece gets complicated. That’s because the robotic painter was controlled by multiple users on the internet. In 2015, the commissioned art service Instapainting invited the online community at Twitch to crowdsource a painting. The robot, following script commands over a 36-hour period, produced what looks like graffiti-inspired abstract art. More impressive than the painting itself was the fact that the machine was able to paint it at all. Instapainting founder Chris Chen told artnet, “It was a $250 machine slapped together with quickly written software, so running it for that long was an endurance test.”