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7 Hollywood Ripoffs With Titles (and Posters, and Plots) You Won't Believe

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The correct term is mockbuster (or knockbuster): a micro-budgeted, straight-to-DVD, B-movie that piggy-backs on the massive publicity of a phenomenally bigger movie. The formula is simple: look at what blockbuster movies are planned for next year, then knock out something vaguely similar in a week and a half and slap on an almost identical—but just different enough to not get sued—title. Here are some of our favorites.

1. Snakes on a Train

Most notable star: A.J. Castro (Played “Casino Waiter” on an episode of Days of Our Lives)

How does it compare to the original? Well, clearly we won’t get Sam Jackson on an Amtrak professing how tired he is of these “monkey fighting” serpents on this “Monday to Friday”* commuter. So lower your expectations accordingly.

Besides that, what’s different? Pretty much everything. Here’s how the screenwriter described the plot: A woman has been put under a Mayan curse which causes snake eggs to hatch inside of her and eat their way out. In order to recover the lost pieces of herself, the snakes, she must take a train to Los Angeles where a powerful Mayan shaman can lift the curse, taking the snakes along with her in small jars. When she gets on the train, bandits accost her and the snakes escape, leaving the rest of the people on the train to deal with them.

So, you see…wait wha-???

In a perfect example of how marketing trumps artistic integrity at mockbuster factory The Asylum, the producer asked the special effects guy to change the ending of the film to match the artwork on the DVD box, which inexplicably features an aircraft carrier-sized snake consuming the eponymous train. So, near the end, we see the cursed woman leap off the train only to transform into a giant snake and gobble up the train. Fin. It’s a finale so perplexingly inscrutable as to make David Lynch cry.

* Those are the actually dubbed lines used for Samuel L. Jackson’s famous quote in the safe-for-basic-cable version of Snakes on a Plane.

2. AVH: Alien Vs. Hunter

Most notable star: William Katt (Greatest American Hero)

How does it compare to the original? If you think AVH just shamelessly copies Alien Vs. Predator, you’re sadly mistaken. There is no Predator in AVH (because that’s a licensed property), but rather an interstellar “hunter.” Big difference. Okay, so the poster looks like some graphic designer simply took the Alien Vs. Predator poster and slapped “hunter” over Predator and called it a day, which is pretty much the case. But then you see the trailer:

See, the Aliens, who on the poster so closely resemble the Aliens in the Hollywood franchise, are nowhere to be found. Instead we get giant spiders. Also, can the Alien Vs. Predator films boast William Katt’s glorious moustache? No, no they can’t.

3. The DaVinci Treasure

Most notable stars: C. Thomas Howell, Lance Henrikson

How does it compare to the original? To say The DaVinci Treasure blatantly rips off The DaVinci Code is like saying last night’s WWE match might have been rigged. C. Thomas Howell is a forensic anthropologist, which to the Asylum’s credit, sounds less made up than Tom Hanks’ “symbologist.” Howell decodes clues found in Leonardo DaVinci’s work that might just lead to “the world’s greatest treasure.” Of course, mysterious agents encounter Howell, seeking to stop the treasure seeker dead in his tracks (literally). We even get all the requisite European locals, car chases, gun play, inexplicable explosions and just that right amount of National Treasure tossed in.

4. Transmorphers: Fall of Man

Most notable star: Bruce Boxleitner (Scarecrow and Mrs. King. And, okay, Tron.), Shane Van Dyke (grand nephew to Jerry Van Dyke and an Asylum veteran)

How does it compare to the original? As a rip off of the Transformers sequel, The Asylum zig when you think they’ll zag and make their mockbuster follow-up a prequel. Brilliant! Nonetheless, the main distinction between the Asylum version and the Hollywood version is Michael Bay’s robots transform, whereas The Asylum’s robots “transmorph.” Reminds me of the Transformers/Go-Bots toy wars of the 1980s, and we all remember how that turned out: total global nuclear annihilation.

Fortunately, The Asylum is savvy enough not to rip off Transformers wholesale. Instead, the plot of Transmorphers: FOM rips off the Terminator franchise entirely, centering on a man vs. machine apocalyptic showdown. It should be noted The Asylum also rips off Terminator in another, more legitimate knock-off, The Terminators. So it’s like a rip-off within a rip-off within a rip off. Right now some kid is writing his film school dissertation solely on that last sentence.

Interesting Note: For an Asylum film, Transmorphers: FOM’s SFX are impressively passable. Considering the film cost only $300,000 to make, it would only require a 3 million dollar return to make the movie 1,000% profitable. Michael Bay’s flick needed to make 2 billion dollars to match that kind of return on investment.
* * * * *
For all its versatility, one thing The Asylum doesn’t have in its bag of tricks is CG family entertainment. What’s one to do when you want to sit down with the kids to a Pixar or DreamWorks flick but without all that irritating quality and more Portuguese?

Thank goodness there’s Video Brinquedo, the Brazilian animation studio behind such great Portuguese-language family fare as That One Movie that Looks Vaguely like Kung Fu Panda. You may know Video Brinquedo from such hits as:

5. What’s Up: Balloon to the Rescue

How does it compare to the original? What’s Up is about an old man who travels around in a house held aloft by a balloon. Stop right there. Before you say, “Yeah, sounds exactly like Up,” just wait. This old man, Dr. Crumb, is the leader of a monster busting crew that travels the world…well, “monster busting crew” kind of explains itself. Also, Dr. Crumb possesses an incredibly powerful hypno-rock that could hypnotize the entire population of the earth just with the password “lavender,” something he never forgets to mention in TV interviews. So are Dr. Crumb and his team a group of super villains? Nope, they just have a world-enslaving power object and don’t hesitate to let anyone know it.

So why do we need a balloon house again?

What happens next involves a tea-hating, drunk Frenchman, travels across the globe and Dr. Crumb’s assistant, Guto, having an adverse reaction to hypnotization and pooping his pants. Really, the entire film can be summed up in this bit of dialog:

Guto: I don't want that Chinese guy in there with my monsters. He didn't even say anything when i showed him the cookie.
Dr. Crumb: Did you try showing him a fortune cookie? That would work.

6. Ratatoing

How does it compare to the original? Hey, Pixar’s movie about a culinary rat was called Ratatouille, this one is called Ratatoing. How much originality do you want? The subtlety of Vídeo Brinquedo make of The Asylum’s rip-offs look like The Thomas Crown Affair.

Or, as one critic said, "if you ate a copy of the worst cartoon you could think of, you'd still probably crap something better than Ratatoing." Which brings the question: what sadistic publication makes their reviewers watch this?

7. The Little Panda Fighter

How does it compare to the original? Take Kung Fu Panda, render it in MS Paint, then take the MS Paint version and render it on an Etch-a-Sketch. We’re not done yet. Put that Etch-a-Sketch version back into MS Paint and color it using the paint bucket tool and…jeez, that still looks way too good. Any way we can do this all on a Commodore 64?

The Little Panda Fighter is about a world inhabited by bears that all look like someone punched a jar of Play-Doh in the face. One particularly perverse panda spends an unsettling amount of time in his dank basement, but instead of begging others to put the lotion on the skin, this panda dreams of becoming a ballerina. Unfortunately, he is forced to become a kick boxer (typical panda struggle). Will he find a way to bring these two worlds together? The movie probably cares less than you do. Also, the panda falls down a lot. Because he’s fat. Comedy!

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10 Memorable Neil deGrasse Tyson Quotes
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Michael Campanella/Getty Images

Neil deGrasse Tyson is America's preeminent badass astrophysicist. He's a passionate advocate for science, NASA, and education. He's also well-known for a little incident involving Pluto. And the man holds nearly 20 honorary doctorates (in addition to his real one). In honor of his 59th birthday, here are 10 of our favorite Neil deGrasse Tyson quotes.

1. ON SCIENCE

"The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it."
—From Real Time with Bill Maher.

2. ON NASA FUNDING

"As a fraction of your tax dollar today, what is the total cost of all spaceborne telescopes, planetary probes, the rovers on Mars, the International Space Station, the space shuttle, telescopes yet to orbit, and missions yet to fly?' Answer: one-half of one percent of each tax dollar. Half a penny. I’d prefer it were more: perhaps two cents on the dollar. Even during the storied Apollo era, peak NASA spending amounted to little more than four cents on the tax dollar." 
—From Space Chronicles

3. ON GOD AND HURRICANES

"Once upon a time, people identified the god Neptune as the source of storms at sea. Today we call these storms hurricanes ... The only people who still call hurricanes acts of God are the people who write insurance forms."
—From Death by Black Hole

4. ON THE BENEFITS OF TECHNOLOGY INVENTED FOR USE IN SPACE

"Countless women are alive today because of ideas stimulated by a design flaw in the Hubble Space Telescope." (Editor's note: technology used to repair the Hubble Space Telescope's optical problems led to improved technology for breast cancer detection.)
—From Space Chronicles

5. ON THE DEMOTION OF PLUTO FROM PLANET STATUS 


PBS

"I knew Pluto was popular among elementary schoolkids, but I had no idea they would mobilize into a 'Save Pluto' campaign. I now have a drawer full of hate letters from hundreds of elementary schoolchildren (with supportive cover letters from their science teachers) pleading with me to reverse my stance on Pluto. The file includes a photograph of the entire third grade of a school posing on their front steps and holding up a banner proclaiming, 'Dr. Tyson—Pluto is a Planet!'"
—From The Sky Is Not the Limit

6. ON JAMES CAMERON'S TITANIC

"In [Titanic], the stars above the ship bear no correspondence to any constellations in a real sky. Worse yet, while the heroine bobs ... we are treated to her view of this Hollywood sky—one where the stars on the right half of the scene trace the mirror image of the stars in the left half. How lazy can you get?"
—From Death by Black Hole

7. ON DEATH BY ASTEROID

"On Friday the 13th, April 2029, an asteroid large enough to fill the Rose Bowl as though it were an egg cup will fly so close to Earth that it will dip below the altitude of our communication satellites. We did not name this asteroid Bambi. Instead, we named it Apophis, after the Egyptian god of darkness and death."
—From Space Chronicles

8. ON THE MOTIVATIONS BEHIND AMERICA'S MOONSHOT

"[L]et us not fool ourselves into thinking we went to the Moon because we are pioneers, or discoverers, or adventurers. We went to the Moon because it was the militaristically expedient thing to do."
—From The Sky Is Not the Limit

9. ON INTELLIGENT LIFE (OR THE LACK THEREOF)

Perhaps we've never been visited by aliens because they have looked upon Earth and decided there's no sign of intelligent life.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/n/neildegras615117.html
Perhaps we've never been visited by aliens because they have looked upon Earth and decided there's no sign of intelligent life.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/n/neildegras615117.html

"Perhaps we've never been visited by aliens because they have looked upon Earth and decided there's no sign of intelligent life."

10. PRACTICAL ADVICE IN THE EVENT OF ALIEN CONTACT 

A still from Steven Spielberg's E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Universal Studios

"[I]f an alien lands on your front lawn and extends an appendage as a gesture of greeting, before you get friendly, toss it an eightball. If the appendage explodes, then the alien was probably made of antimatter. If not, then you can proceed to take it to your leader."
—From Death by Black Hole

How Apple's '1984' Super Bowl Ad Was Almost Canceled

More than 30 years ago, Apple defined the Super Bowl commercial as a cultural phenomenon. Prior to Super Bowl XVIII, nobody watched the game "just for the commercials"—but one epic TV spot, directed by sci-fi legend Ridley Scott, changed all that. Read on for the inside story of the commercial that rocked the world of advertising, even though Apple's Board of Directors didn't want to run it at all.

THE AD

If you haven't seen it, here's a fuzzy YouTube version:

"WHY 1984 WON'T BE LIKE 1984"

The tagline "Why 1984 Won't Be Like '1984'" references George Orwell's 1949 novel 1984, which envisioned a dystopian future, controlled by a televised "Big Brother." The tagline was written by Brent Thomas and Steve Hayden of the ad firm Chiat\Day in 1982, and the pair tried to sell it to various companies (including Apple, for the Apple II computer) but were turned down repeatedly. When Steve Jobs heard the pitch in 1983, he was sold—he saw the Macintosh as a "revolutionary" product, and wanted advertising to match. Jobs saw IBM as Big Brother, and wanted to position Apple as the world's last chance to escape IBM's domination of the personal computer industry. The Mac was scheduled to launch in late January of 1984, a week after the Super Bowl. IBM already held the nickname "Big Blue," so the parallels, at least to Jobs, were too delicious to miss.

Thomas and Hayden wrote up the story of the ad: we see a world of mind-controlled, shuffling men all in gray, staring at a video screen showing the face of Big Brother droning on about "information purification directives." A lone woman clad in vibrant red shorts and a white tank-top (bearing a Mac logo) runs from riot police, dashing up an aisle towards Big Brother. Just before being snatched by the police, she flings a sledgehammer at Big Brother's screen, smashing him just after he intones "We shall prevail!" Big Brother's destruction frees the minds of the throng, who quite literally see the light, flooding their faces now that the screen is gone. A mere eight seconds before the one-minute ad concludes, a narrator briefly mentions the word "Macintosh," in a restatement of that original tagline: "On January 24th, Apple Computer will introduce Macintosh. And you'll see why 1984 won't be like '1984.'" An Apple logo is shown, and then we're out—back to the game.

In 1983, in a presentation about the Mac, Jobs introduced the ad to a cheering audience of Apple employees:

"... It is now 1984. It appears IBM wants it all. Apple is perceived to be the only hope to offer IBM a run for its money. Dealers, initially welcoming IBM with open arms, now fear an IBM-dominated and -controlled future. They are increasingly turning back to Apple as the only force that can ensure their future freedom. IBM wants it all and is aiming its guns on its last obstacle to industry control: Apple. Will Big Blue dominate the entire computer industry? The entire information age? Was George Orwell right about 1984?"

After seeing the ad for the first time, the Apple audience totally freaked out (jump to about the 5-minute mark to witness the riotous cheering).

SKINHEADS, A DISCUS THROWER, AND A SCI-FI DIRECTOR

Chiat\Day hired Ridley Scott, whose 1982 sci-fi film Blade Runner had the dystopian tone they were looking for (and Alien wasn't so bad either). Scott filmed the ad in London, using actual skinheads playing the mute bald men—they were paid $125 a day to sit and stare at Big Brother; those who still had hair were paid to shave their heads for the shoot. Anya Major, a discus thrower and actress, was cast as the woman with the sledgehammer largely because she was actually capable of wielding the thing.

Mac programmer Andy Hertzfeld wrote an Apple II program "to flash impressive looking numbers and graphs on [Big Brother's] screen," but it's unclear whether his program was used for the final film. The ad cost a shocking $900,000 to film, plus Apple booked two premium slots during the Super Bowl to air it—carrying an airtime cost of more than $1 million.

WHAT EXECUTIVES AT APPLE THOUGHT

Although Jobs and his marketing team (plus the assembled throng at his 1983 internal presentation) loved the ad, Apple's Board of Directors hated it. After seeing the ad for the first time, board member Mike Markkula suggested that Chiat\Day be fired, and the remainder of the board were similarly unimpressed. Then-CEO John Sculley recalled the reaction after the ad was screened for the group: "The others just looked at each other, dazed expressions on their faces ... Most of them felt it was the worst commercial they had ever seen. Not a single outside board member liked it." Sculley instructed Chiat\Day to sell off the Super Bowl airtime they had purchased, but Chiat\Day principal Jay Chiat quietly resisted. Chiat had purchased two slots—a 60-second slot in the third quarter to show the full ad, plus a 30-second slot later on to repeat an edited-down version. Chiat sold only the 30-second slot and claimed it was too late to sell the longer one. By disobeying his client's instructions, Chiat cemented Apple's place in advertising history.

When Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak heard that the ad was in trouble, he offered to pony up half the airtime costs himself, saying, "I asked how much it was going to cost, and [Steve Jobs] told me $800,000. I said, 'Well, I'll pay half of it if you will.' I figured it was a problem with the company justifying the expenditure. I thought an ad that was so great a piece of science fiction should have its chance to be seen."

But Woz didn't have to shell out the money; the executive team finally decided to run a 100-day advertising extravaganza for the Mac's launch, starting with the Super Bowl ad—after all, they had already paid to shoot it and were stuck with the airtime.

1984 - Big Brother

WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE THOUGHT

When the ad aired, controversy erupted—viewers either loved or hated the ad, and it spurred a wave of media coverage that involved news shows replaying the ad as part of covering it, leading to estimates of an additional $5 million in "free" airtime for the ad. All three national networks, plus countless local markets, ran news stories about the ad. "1984" become a cultural event, and served as a blueprint for future Apple product launches. The marketing logic was brilliantly simple: create an ad campaign that sparked controversy (for example, by insinuating that IBM was like Big Brother), and the media will cover your launch for free, amplifying the message.

The full ad famously ran once during the Super Bowl XVIII (on January 22, 1984), but it also ran the month prior—on December 31, 1983, TV station operator Tom Frank ran the ad on KMVT at the last possible time slot before midnight, in order to qualify for 1983's advertising awards.* (Any awards the ad won would mean more media coverage.) Apple paid to screen the ad in movie theaters before movie trailers, further heightening anticipation for the Mac launch. In addition to all that, the 30-second version was aired across the country after its debut on the Super Bowl.

Chiat\Day adman Steve Hayden recalled: "We ran a 30- second version of '1984' in the top 10 U.S. markets, plus, in an admittedly childish move, in an 11th market—Boca Raton, Florida, headquarters for IBM's PC division." Mac team member Andy Hertzfeld ended his remembrance of the ad by saying:

"A week after the Macintosh launch, Apple held its January board meeting. The Macintosh executive staff was invited to attend, not knowing what to expect. When the Mac people entered the room, everyone on the board rose and gave them a standing ovation, acknowledging that they were wrong about the commercial and congratulating the team for pulling off a fantastic launch.

Chiat\Day wanted the commercial to qualify for upcoming advertising awards, so they ran it once at 1 AM at a small television station in Twin Falls, Idaho, KMVT, on December 15, 1983 [incorrect; see below for an update on this -ed]. And sure enough it won just about every possible award, including best commercial of the decade. Twenty years later it's considered one of the most memorable television commercials ever made."

THE AWFUL 1985 FOLLOW-UP

A year later, Apple again employed Chiat\Day to make a blockbuster ad for their Macintosh Office product line, which was basically a file server, networking gear, and a laser printer. Directed by Ridley Scott's brother Tony, the new ad was called "Lemmings," and featured blindfolded businesspeople whistling an out-of-tune version of Snow White's "Heigh-Ho" as they followed each other off a cliff (referencing the myth of lemming suicide).

Jobs and Sculley didn't like the ad, but Chiat\Day convinced them to run it, pointing out that the board hadn't liked the last ad either. But unlike the rousing, empowering message of the "1984" ad, "Lemmings" directly insulted business customers who had already bought IBM computers. It was also weirdly boring—when it was aired at the Super Bowl (with Jobs and Sculley in attendance), nobody really reacted. The ad was a flop, and Apple even proposed running a printed apology in The Wall Street Journal. Jay Chiat shot back, saying that if Apple apologized, Chiat would buy an ad on the next page, apologizing for the apology. It was a mess:

20-YEAR ANNIVERSARY

In 2004, the ad was updated for the launch of the iPod. The only change was that the woman with the hammer was now listening to an iPod, which remained clipped to her belt as she ran. You can watch that version too:

FURTHER READING

Chiat\Day adman Lee Clow gave an interview about the ad, covering some of this material.

Check out Mac team member Andy Hertzfeld's excellent first-person account of the ad. A similar account (but with more from Jobs's point of view) can found in the Steve Jobs biography, and an even more in-depth account is in The Mac Bathroom Reader. The Mac Bathroom Reader is out of print; you can read an excerpt online, including QuickTime movies of the two versions of the ad, plus a behind-the-scenes video. Finally, you might enjoy this 2004 USA Today article about the ad, pointing out that ads for other computers (including Atari, Radio Shack, and IBM's new PCjr) also ran during that Super Bowl.

* = A Note on the Airing in 1983

Update: Thanks to Tom Frank for writing in to correct my earlier mis-statement about the first air date of this commercial. As you can see in his comment below, Hertzfeld's comments above (and the dates cited in other accounts I've seen) are incorrect. Stay tuned for an upcoming interview with Frank, in which we discuss what it was like running both "1984" and "Lemmings" before they were on the Super Bowl!

Update 2: You can read the story behind this post in Chris's book The Blogger Abides.

This post originally appeared in 2012.

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