Root (or boot) all 32 NFL teams

Coming Thursday: Woody's Winners for Week 1! In the meantime, mental_floss has your football fix right here. Even if you're not an NFL fan, now that the new season is almost upon us, someone, somewhere will ask you your opinion about a team or two. We've done the work for you by scouring last year's pro football statistics, so whether you want to "talk up" an NFL team or rant about how horrible they are, one of these factoids should fit the bill. Enjoy!

ARIZONA CARDINALS

  • A good sign from last season: The Cardinals completed 94.7% of their field goals in 2009, best in the NFL.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Cardinals were worst in the NFL in 2009 with 18 lost fumbles.

ATLANTA FALCONS

  • A good sign from last season: The Falcons committed only 78 penalties in 2009, fewest in the NFC.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Falcons defense allowed opponents a 43.5% third-down completion rate in 2009, highest in the NFC.

Click "more" to view the positives and negatives of each of the NFL's other 30 teams.

BALTIMORE RAVENS

  • A good sign from last season: The Ravens allowed only 3.4 yards per rush in 2009, best in the NFL.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Ravens had trouble in close games in 2009; 5 of their 7 losses were by six or fewer points.

BUFFALO BILLS

  • A good sign from last season: The Bills defense led the AFC in 2009 with 29 interceptions.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Bills scored only 6 rushing TDs in 2009, worst in the AFC.

CAROLINA PANTHERS

  • A good sign from last season: The Panthers boasted two 1000-yard rushers with 17 TD between them.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Panthers allowed 24.8 yards per kickoff return in 2009, highest in the NFC.

CHICAGO BEARS

  • A good sign from last season: The Bears were the only NFL team in 2009 not to allow any opponent a return/recovery TD.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Bears rushed for 71 first downs in 2009, fewest in the NFL.

CINCINNATI BENGALS

  • A good sign from last season: The Bengals averaged 11.9 yards per punt return in 2009, best in the AFC.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Bengals lost 12 fumbles in 2009, twice as many as their defense recovered.

CLEVELAND BROWNS

  • A good sign from last season: The Browns scored 3 touchdowns on kickoff returns in 2009, most in the AFC.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Browns scored in single-digits in 7 of their first 11 games in 2009.

DALLAS COWBOYS

  • A good sign from last season: The Cowboys scored at least 25 points in five of their first 7 games in 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Cowboys didn't return a kickoff for more than 41 yards last year, worst in the NFL.

DENVER BRONCOS

  • A good sign from last season: The Broncos defense forced 30 fumbles in 2009, most in the AFC.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Broncos won their first six games of 2009, but then had two four-game losing streaks.

DETROIT LIONS

  • A good sign from last season: The Lions' 101-yard interception return for a TD was 2009's longest.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Lions were the only team to lose to the Rams in 2009, and they did so at home.

GREEN BAY PACKERS

  • A good sign from last season: The Packers scored three or more TDs in 15 of 16 games last season.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Packers led the NFL with 118 penalties in 2009.

HOUSTON TEXANS

  • A good sign from last season: The Texans led the NFL with 290.9 passing yards per game in 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Texans' longest rush of 2009 was 32 yards, worst in the NFL.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

  • A good sign from last season: The Colts completed 49.2% of their third-down conversions in 2009 to lead the NFL.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Colts allowed opponents to complete 45% of their third-down conversions in 2009, tied for worst in the NFL.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

  • A good sign from last season: The Jaguars had the fewest penalties and fewest penalty yards in the NFL in 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Jaguars were sacked 44 times in 2009 while their defense only doled out 14.

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

  • A good sign from last season: The Chiefs kicked 41 punts inside the opponents' 20, most in the NFL in 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Chiefs had as many fumbles as touchdowns (31 of each) in 2009.

MIAMI DOLPHINS

  • A good sign from last season: The Dolphins scored 22 rushing TDs in 2009, tying them for the league lead.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Dolphins defense allowed 14.2 yards per catch, worst in the NFL in 2009.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS

  • A good sign from last season: The Vikings scored 27 or more points in 13 games in 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: Three of the Vikings' four 2009 losses came to non-playoff teams.

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

  • A good sign from last season: The Patriots earned 397.3 yards per game, best in the AFC.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Patriots' 39-yards-per-punt average was worst in the NFL.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

  • A good sign from last season: The Saints scored 9 TDs on returns and recoveries in 2009, three more than any other team.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Saints allowed 14.3 yards per punt return in 2009, worst in the NFL.

NEW YORK GIANTS

  • A good sign from last season: The Giants only punted for touchback twice in 2009, tied for first in the NFL.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Giants scored single digits in three of its final six games last season.

NEW YORK JETS

  • A good sign from last season: The Jets' defense held opposing QBs to a 51.6 completion percentage in 2009, lowest in the NFL.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Jets had trouble in close games, losing 5 times by five points or fewer in 2009.

OAKLAND RAIDERS

  • A good sign from last season: The Raiders averaged 51.1 yards per punt in 2009, 3.5 yards more than any other team.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Raiders only scored 22 points in the 3rd quarter all of last season.

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

  • A good sign from last season: The Eagles averaged 13.1 yards per pass completion in 2009, tops in the NFL.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Eagles lost to the Cowboys three times in 2009 (twice in the regular season, once in the playoffs).

PITTSBURGH STEELERS

  • A good sign from last season: The Steelers sacked opposing QBs 47 times, most in the AFC in 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Steelers allowed 4 kickoff returns for TD in 2009, while no other NFL team allowed more than 2.

SAN DIEGO CHARGERS

  • A good sign from last season: The Chargers' 13.3 yards per reception in 2009 was tops in the NFL.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Chargers' 3.3 yards per carry in 2009 was worst in the NFL.

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

  • A good sign from last season: The Seahawks scored two shutout victories in their first five games last year.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Seahawks led the NFL with 33 fumbles in 2009.

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS

  • A good sign from last season: The 49ers held their opponents to 10 or fewer points in seven games in 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: The 49ers led the NFC in punts in 2009 with 99.

ST. LOUIS RAMS

  • A good sign from last season: The Rams were successful on 6 of 7 FG of 50+ yards in 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Rams allowed 4 interception returns for TD in 2009, tied for the NFL lead.

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS

  • A good sign from last season: The Buccaneers defeated the Super Bowl Champion Saints during the 2009 regular season.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Buccaneers only scored more than 24 points in one game in 2009.

TENNESSEE TITANS

  • A good sign from last season: The Titans averaged 27 points per game over the last 10 games of 2009.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Titans did not have a TE or WR with 50 or more catches in 2009.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS

  • A good sign from last season: The Redskins boasted two players with 11 sacks.
  • A bad sign from last season: The Redskins took the ball away only 17 times in 2009, fewer than any NFL team.

NOTE: The use of current and former NFL logos is for identification and informational purposes only, and these logos remain the copyrights of the National Football League and/or the franchises depicted.

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MARK RALSTON/AFP/Getty Images
13 Secrets of Roller Derby
MARK RALSTON/AFP/Getty Images
MARK RALSTON/AFP/Getty Images

When sports promoter Leo Seltzer got the idea to organize a roller skating marathon in 1935, he probably didn’t expect that his event would provide the basis for a fledgling sport known as roller derby. Those early contests had skaters circling a track for thousands of miles over a period of a month to test their endurance; the current incarnation is more of a contact sport that involves players protecting—or blocking—a player known as a "jammer" who is trying to skate past the opposing team for points.

A popular sport through the 1950s and 1960s, derby briefly lost some of its luster when a bit of the theatricality usually found in pro wrestling made its way to the tracks to bolster television ratings in the 1970s. While today's derby still maintains some of that showmanship—players often compete under pseudonyms like H.P. Shovecraft—you’d be wrong to characterize its players as anything less than serious and determined athletes. Mental Floss asked several competitors about the game, the hazards of Velcro, and the etiquette of sending get-well cards to opponents with broken bones.

1. THERE’S A GOOD REASON THEY USE ALTER EGOS.

Derby players looking to erase the image of the scantily-clad events of the ‘70s sometimes bemoan the continued use of aliases, but there’s a practical reason for keeping that tradition going. According to Elektra-Q-Tion, a player in Raleigh, North Carolina, pseudonyms can help athletes remain safe from overzealous fans. “It’s kind of like being a C-level celebrity,” she says. “Some players can have stalkers. I have a couple of fans that can be a little aggressive. Using 'Elektra-Q-Tion' helps keep a separation there. If they know my real name, they can find out where I live or work.”

2. THEY CAN’T ALWAYS RECOGNIZE OTHER PLAYERS OFF THE TRACK.

For many players, derby is as much a social outlet as a physical one—but meetings outside of the track can sometimes be awkward. Because of the equipment and constant motion, it can be hard to register facial features for later reference. “You don’t really get the opportunity to see them move like a normal person,” Elektra-Q-Tion says. “People can identify me because I’m really tall, but if someone comes up and says we’ve played, I have to do that thing where I hold my hand up over their head [to mimic their helmet] and go, ‘Oh, it’s you.’”

3. THEY SUFFER FROM “DERBY FACE.”

Extreme concentration, core engagement, and other aspects of the game often conspire to make players somewhat less than photogenic. “'Derby face' is common,” says Barbie O’Havoc, a player from the J-Town Roller Girls in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. “You’re pretty focused on trying not to fall over or get beat up.”

4. THEY CAN KISS THEIR FEET GOODBYE.

Hours of practice in skates usually precedes an unfortunate fate for feet. “Your feet become pretty gross,” Elektra-Q-Tion says. “People sometimes say it’s because skates don’t fit right, but it can happen with custom skates. You get calluses, your toenails get worn and fall off, your bones shift, you get fallen arches. One time a doctor thought I had MRSA. He actually recoiled from my foot. I had a blister on my blister.”

5. THEY HAVE TO CONVINCE DOCTORS THEY’RE NOT BEING ABUSED.

Flying, crashing bodies skating at velocity will become heavily bruised, with players sporting black eyes and large-scale blemishes. If they need to seek medical attention when something is broken, those superficial marks often raise suspicion. “The first question people will ask is, ‘Are you okay?’” says Elektra-Q-Tion. “Once, my husband took me to the emergency room because I had broken my hand. The nurse asked him to leave the room and asked me, ‘Did he do this to you?’”

6. THEIR GEAR SMELLS PRETTY BAD.

“Derby stink is very much real,” says Barbie O’Havoc. “It comes down to body chemistry. Some players don’t have a problem. Others can wash their gear all the time and it still stinks. After I sold my car that I used to haul my gear in for years, my sister told me it smelled awful. The entire car.”

7. NO PLAYER WEARS A “1” JERSEY—AND FOR GOOD REASON.

Attend a derby bout and it’s unlikely you’ll see any player sporting a “1” on their jersey. “I've always heard you shouldn't use the number 1,” says Cyan Eyed, a player for Gem City Roller Derby in Ohio. “But not everyone is aware of the 1937 bus crash.” On March 24 of that year, a bus carrying 14 skaters and 9 support staff was driving from St. Louis to Cincinnati when it crashed, killing 21 passengers. Joe Kleats, a veteran player who was riding on the bus, wore the number; when he and the others died, the sport retired it in memory of the tragedy.

8. THEY HAVE SKATE MECHANICS.

The pounding endured by skates, wheels, and bearings often requires attention from someone versed in repair and maintenance work. Enter the skate mechanic, typically an official or significant other of a player who doubles as the team’s wheel-person. “Players are afraid of taking their expensive skates apart,” Elektra-Q-Tion says. But she'd prefer that skaters know how to care for their own wheels. “I don’t like the idea of someone not understanding how they work. What happens if the ref retires?”

9. VELCRO IS THEIR ENEMY.

Much of a derby player’s gear, such as knee and elbow pads, is held in place with Velcro, that useful-but-dangerous adhesion system. “The problem with Velcro is the close contact,” Elektra-Q-Tion says. “If people don’t have it on correctly or part of it is peeling off, they’ll scrape you with it and you won’t realize it until you’re in the shower later and the water hits it, which is a miserable feeling.”

10. THEY TRY TO BE POLITE EVEN AFTER SMASHING SOMEONE.

Injuries are expected in derby, but if you unwittingly broke someone’s nose, it’s considered polite track manners to check up on them later. “I remember seeing a nasty injury and our league sent her flowers and a card,” Barbie O’Havoc says.

11. THEY CAN WATCH OTHER TEAMS PRACTICE.

Good luck allowing members of an NFL team to drop in on an opposing team’s practice. Derby, which prides itself on a communal atmosphere, doesn’t mind opening its doors for visiting rivals. “If I go to, say, San Diego and ask to practice with the local team there, most of the time they would say yes,” Elektra-Q-Tion says.

12. A PENNY CAN SPELL DOOM.

It’s not often something as tiny as a coin can bring a sporting event to a complete halt, but that’s what happens when you’re dependent on skate mobility. Barbie O’Havoc says that although tracks are swept and cleaned before bouts, the odd foreign object can still pop up, causing wheels (and feet) to go flying. “There’s a washer on the toe stop that can fall off,” she says. “And I’ve seen people lose their wedding rings.” Pebbles and other tiny hazards will prompt a time-out until they're found and disposed of.

13. THEY DISLIKE HOLLYWOOD.

Whenever television crime dramas depict derby, it’s typically presented as a bunch of “bad girls” with sour attitudes and a thirst for blood on the track. “That seems to be very attractive to movie and television people,” Elektra-Q-Tion says. “Usually someone gets murdered.” 2009’s Whip It, a comedy-drama starring Ellen Page and directed by Drew Barrymore, didn’t fare much better in terms of believability—but players will give that one a pass. “Whip It was great press for us. That’s when we had most of our new audience and skaters come in.”

All images courtesy of Getty.

A version of this story ran in 2016.

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Shout! Factory
Original GLOW Wrestling Series Hits Twitch
Shout! Factory
Shout! Factory

When it premiered in June 2017, GLOW was a bit of a sleeper offering for Netflix. With the amount of original programming ordered by the streaming service, a show based on an obscure women’s pro wrestling league from the 1980s seemed destined to get lost in the shuffle.

Instead, the series was a critical and commercial success. Ahead of its second season, which drops on June 29, you'll have a chance to see the mat work of the original women who inspired it.

Shout! Factory has announced they will be live-streaming clips from the first four seasons of GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling), which first premiered in 1986, beginning at 9 p.m. ET on June 28. The stream, which will be available on shoutfactorytv.com and Twitch, will feature original footage framed by new interviews with personalities including Godiva, host Johnny C, and Hollywood. The show will air live from the Santino Brothers Wrestling Academy in Los Angeles.

Godiva, who was portrayed by Dawn Maestas, inspired the character Rhonda (a.k.a. Brittanica) on the Netflix series; Hollywood was the alter ego of Jeanne Basone, who inspired the character Cherry in the fictionalized version of the league. Basone later posed for Playboy and takes bookings for one-on-one wrestling matches with fans.

Shout! Factory's site also features a full-length compilation of footage, Brawlin’ Beauties: GLOW, hosted by onetime WWE interviewer “Mean” Gene Okerlund.

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