All Aboard! 7 Offbeat Bus Tours

If you thought bus tours were only for people with bad travel agents, you were right. But they're also for perfectly normal people with perfectly bizarre tastes. If you haven't made your summer travel plans yet, here are some sweet recommendations.

1. Vegas Mob Tour

For about five seconds in the 1990s, Las Vegas tried to clean up its act. The new "family-friendly" Vegas — with amusement-style attractions, PG-rated shows and Disneyfied dining experiences — promised to de-sleaze the Sin City. But the promoters of the "new Vegas" overlooked one important fact: sleaze sells. And as quickly as you can say, "Room service, bring me another stripper," the real Vegas was back.

The sleaze factor did not elude the creators of the Vegas Mob Tour, a 2.5-hour van ride through Vegas' blood-soaked past. As you'll learn on the tour, Vegas was founded by mobsters like Bugsy Siegel and Meyer Lansky and was ruled until the mid-1980s by a parade of business-minded sociopaths with middle names starting with "The."

"I try to do it tactfully and with taste, as much as you can with a mob tour," the creator of the tour told the LA Times. "You can say someone cut off someone's head with a machete, but we prefer to say decapitated." Nice touch.

The Vegas Mob Tour is based on inside information provided by FBI agents, law enforcement specialists and a lovely gentlemen named Frank Cullotta, the ex-hitman for Tony "The Ant" Spilotro, himself the inspiration for Joe Pesci's character in Casino. The founders hope to parlay the mob tour's success into a Vegas mob museum.

2. Tours for Insomniacs and Elevator Enthusiasts

Marlene Gordon is a Los Angeles original. Bored with her day job as legal secretary in a patent firm, Gordon began to seek out the hidden gems of her hometown and conduct impromptu tours for out-of-town guests and anyone else who couldn't quickly think of an excuse to bail. Over 30 years later, Gordon is still at it, driving van-fulls of gawking tourists through LA's lesser-known sights"¦ and occasional smells.

Gordon's "SCENTimental Journey" is described as a "nose-twitching aroma tour" of LA's "fragrant destinations." The "LA in Miniature" tour takes an up-close look at the city through microscopes, magnifying glasses and even "the eye of a needle" (?).

Gordon's most popular offering is the "Insomniac's Tour," which drags groggy tourists through the train station at 4 a.m. and introduces them to the pre-dawn wholesale action at the city's produce and flower market. But the one that really captures our imagination is called "LA Has Its Ups and Downs," described as "a truly amazing escalator and elevator tour from downtown to the sea."

3. LA Gang Tours

South Central Los Angeles doesn't get a lot of ink in Fodor's. And the only maps you're likely to see of LA neighborhoods like Compton, Gardena and Hawthorne are blocked off in sections of red and blue — Bloods and Crips. South Central is LA's most famous and infamous gang territory, the setting for films like Boyz n the Hood and countless mid-90s rap videos. But as an LA tourist destination, South Central has never been a draw. Until now.

Alfred Lomas — a former gang member — wants to educate the public on the realities of gang life in LA. Back in January, he made the inaugural run of the LA Gang Tour, a bus tour of an urban area most Americans have only seen in COPS footage. Lomas doesn't try to whitewash the image of South Central or glamorize the "ghetto" lifestyle. Instead, for $65 a ticket, Lomas takes tourists on a 12-stop exploration of the roots and realities of gang violence.

Between stops at the LA County Sheriff's Jail, the graffiti-covered concrete wasteland of the LA River, and a "drive-by" of notorious housing projects, Lomas invites ex-gang-bangers to board the bus and share their personal stories of poverty, violence, drugs and redemption. Proceeds from the tour go to community programs that help gang members turn their lives around.

4. DC Spy Tour

On June 13, 1985, CIA counter-intelligence analyst Aldrich Ames walked into Chadwick's restaurant in Washington, DC, for a 3 p.m. lunch date with the KGB. In exchange for over $2 million, Ames handed the agents a list of nearly 100 names, many of them Soviet moles on the CIA payroll. Within months, 10 of these people were arrested and executed by the Soviets.

Twenty-five years later, Chadwick's is just one of 25 stops on the thrilling (and chilling, of course) DC Spy Tour, a project of the International Spy Museum in Washington, DC. Little did you know that the nation's capital is also the "world capital of espionage," and you'll get all the juicy details from former KGB Major General Oleg Kalugin and his team of traitors-turned-tour-guides.

Is that really the apartment where Cuban spy Jennifer Miles slept her way through the U.S. State Department? Could that be the same French bistro where KGB defector Vitaly Yurchenka escaped through the kitchen and de-defected at the Russian embassy? For $75, the spy secrets are yours. Compared to what the KGB paid, that's a pretty good deal.

5. Celebrity Death Tours

"If you're rich and famous, Cedars is the hospital to die in," says Scott Michaels, creator and resident "Death Hag" of Hollywood's Dearly Departed Tours. Michael's three-hour tour of the cemeteries, overdose locations and murder houses of the famously dead received a 20% uptick in reservations after Michael Jackson died.

A fan favorite is the Helter Skelter Tour, a voyeuristic van ride exploring the Manson family cult and its victims. As a twisted perk, everyone goes home with a tiny piece of the brick fireplace from Roman Polanski's LA home where Manson's minions murdered actress Sharon Tate. That's a keeper.

6. Russian and Chinese "Dating" Tours

The concept behind an international "dating" tour is simple. If you haven't found your bride-to-be at the favorite local hang-outs — laundromat, grocery store, church, online Twilight forum — it might be time to fly halfway around the world to work your magic on packs of visa-hunters who speak little English.

The Russian Valentines Tour includes 10 days of bus travel to the historical and cultural highlights of Odessa plus three "socials" in which "several hundred beautiful, educated and sincere women," some of whom "travel thousands of miles for the chance to meet our tour participants," will mob you like a celebrity. "It's not uncommon for our clients to be surrounded by 4 or 5 women, while other women wait for their chance to be introduced." They're lining up over there!

The same deal is available in China, where each day of sightseeing in megacities like Beijing, Shanghai and Hangzhou is capped with a "dating event" featuring dinner, dancing and cocktails with 50 eager "office ladies" from the host city. If these trips don't bag you a wife, there's no one to blame but the interpreter.

7. Kramer's Reality Tour

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Cosmo Kramer launched the J. Peterman Reality Tour? That was a spoof on Kenny Kramer's Reality Tour, an actual bus tour run by the inspiration for Michael Richards' character. The bus visits famous Seinfeld scenes and gives you behind-the-scenes info. You might see, for example, "the place where Kramer and Newman got the black market shower heads." Or learn that "there is an actual Russell Dalrymple, Lloyd Braun, Becky Gelke, John Mollica, Al Niche, and even a person called 'The Drake.'"

Despite Jerry's claim that "nobody wants to go on a three hour bus tour of a totally unknown person's life," the Kramer Reality Tour is still going strong—book your Spring/Summer 2010 tour now! Think your $37.50 ticket comes with a bite-size 3 Musketeers?

Here's a look at the Peterman Reality Tour:

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Have you ever been on a unique bus tour of something? Tell us about it in the comments.

Michael Campanella/Getty Images
10 Memorable Neil deGrasse Tyson Quotes
Michael Campanella/Getty Images
Michael Campanella/Getty Images

Neil deGrasse Tyson is America's preeminent badass astrophysicist. He's a passionate advocate for science, NASA, and education. He's also well-known for a little incident involving Pluto. And the man holds nearly 20 honorary doctorates (in addition to his real one). In honor of his 59th birthday, here are 10 of our favorite Neil deGrasse Tyson quotes.


"The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it."
—From Real Time with Bill Maher.


"As a fraction of your tax dollar today, what is the total cost of all spaceborne telescopes, planetary probes, the rovers on Mars, the International Space Station, the space shuttle, telescopes yet to orbit, and missions yet to fly?' Answer: one-half of one percent of each tax dollar. Half a penny. I’d prefer it were more: perhaps two cents on the dollar. Even during the storied Apollo era, peak NASA spending amounted to little more than four cents on the tax dollar." 
—From Space Chronicles


"Once upon a time, people identified the god Neptune as the source of storms at sea. Today we call these storms hurricanes ... The only people who still call hurricanes acts of God are the people who write insurance forms."
—From Death by Black Hole


"Countless women are alive today because of ideas stimulated by a design flaw in the Hubble Space Telescope." (Editor's note: technology used to repair the Hubble Space Telescope's optical problems led to improved technology for breast cancer detection.)
—From Space Chronicles



"I knew Pluto was popular among elementary schoolkids, but I had no idea they would mobilize into a 'Save Pluto' campaign. I now have a drawer full of hate letters from hundreds of elementary schoolchildren (with supportive cover letters from their science teachers) pleading with me to reverse my stance on Pluto. The file includes a photograph of the entire third grade of a school posing on their front steps and holding up a banner proclaiming, 'Dr. Tyson—Pluto is a Planet!'"
—From The Sky Is Not the Limit


"In [Titanic], the stars above the ship bear no correspondence to any constellations in a real sky. Worse yet, while the heroine bobs ... we are treated to her view of this Hollywood sky—one where the stars on the right half of the scene trace the mirror image of the stars in the left half. How lazy can you get?"
—From Death by Black Hole


"On Friday the 13th, April 2029, an asteroid large enough to fill the Rose Bowl as though it were an egg cup will fly so close to Earth that it will dip below the altitude of our communication satellites. We did not name this asteroid Bambi. Instead, we named it Apophis, after the Egyptian god of darkness and death."
—From Space Chronicles


"[L]et us not fool ourselves into thinking we went to the Moon because we are pioneers, or discoverers, or adventurers. We went to the Moon because it was the militaristically expedient thing to do."
—From The Sky Is Not the Limit


Perhaps we've never been visited by aliens because they have looked upon Earth and decided there's no sign of intelligent life.
Read more at:
Perhaps we've never been visited by aliens because they have looked upon Earth and decided there's no sign of intelligent life.
Read more at:

"Perhaps we've never been visited by aliens because they have looked upon Earth and decided there's no sign of intelligent life."


A still from Steven Spielberg's E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Universal Studios

"[I]f an alien lands on your front lawn and extends an appendage as a gesture of greeting, before you get friendly, toss it an eightball. If the appendage explodes, then the alien was probably made of antimatter. If not, then you can proceed to take it to your leader."
—From Death by Black Hole

How Apple's '1984' Super Bowl Ad Was Almost Canceled

More than 30 years ago, Apple defined the Super Bowl commercial as a cultural phenomenon. Prior to Super Bowl XVIII, nobody watched the game "just for the commercials"—but one epic TV spot, directed by sci-fi legend Ridley Scott, changed all that. Read on for the inside story of the commercial that rocked the world of advertising, even though Apple's Board of Directors didn't want to run it at all.


If you haven't seen it, here's a fuzzy YouTube version:

"WHY 1984 WON'T BE LIKE 1984"

The tagline "Why 1984 Won't Be Like '1984'" references George Orwell's 1949 novel 1984, which envisioned a dystopian future, controlled by a televised "Big Brother." The tagline was written by Brent Thomas and Steve Hayden of the ad firm Chiat\Day in 1982, and the pair tried to sell it to various companies (including Apple, for the Apple II computer) but were turned down repeatedly. When Steve Jobs heard the pitch in 1983, he was sold—he saw the Macintosh as a "revolutionary" product, and wanted advertising to match. Jobs saw IBM as Big Brother, and wanted to position Apple as the world's last chance to escape IBM's domination of the personal computer industry. The Mac was scheduled to launch in late January of 1984, a week after the Super Bowl. IBM already held the nickname "Big Blue," so the parallels, at least to Jobs, were too delicious to miss.

Thomas and Hayden wrote up the story of the ad: we see a world of mind-controlled, shuffling men all in gray, staring at a video screen showing the face of Big Brother droning on about "information purification directives." A lone woman clad in vibrant red shorts and a white tank-top (bearing a Mac logo) runs from riot police, dashing up an aisle towards Big Brother. Just before being snatched by the police, she flings a sledgehammer at Big Brother's screen, smashing him just after he intones "We shall prevail!" Big Brother's destruction frees the minds of the throng, who quite literally see the light, flooding their faces now that the screen is gone. A mere eight seconds before the one-minute ad concludes, a narrator briefly mentions the word "Macintosh," in a restatement of that original tagline: "On January 24th, Apple Computer will introduce Macintosh. And you'll see why 1984 won't be like '1984.'" An Apple logo is shown, and then we're out—back to the game.

In 1983, in a presentation about the Mac, Jobs introduced the ad to a cheering audience of Apple employees:

"... It is now 1984. It appears IBM wants it all. Apple is perceived to be the only hope to offer IBM a run for its money. Dealers, initially welcoming IBM with open arms, now fear an IBM-dominated and -controlled future. They are increasingly turning back to Apple as the only force that can ensure their future freedom. IBM wants it all and is aiming its guns on its last obstacle to industry control: Apple. Will Big Blue dominate the entire computer industry? The entire information age? Was George Orwell right about 1984?"

After seeing the ad for the first time, the Apple audience totally freaked out (jump to about the 5-minute mark to witness the riotous cheering).


Chiat\Day hired Ridley Scott, whose 1982 sci-fi film Blade Runner had the dystopian tone they were looking for (and Alien wasn't so bad either). Scott filmed the ad in London, using actual skinheads playing the mute bald men—they were paid $125 a day to sit and stare at Big Brother; those who still had hair were paid to shave their heads for the shoot. Anya Major, a discus thrower and actress, was cast as the woman with the sledgehammer largely because she was actually capable of wielding the thing.

Mac programmer Andy Hertzfeld wrote an Apple II program "to flash impressive looking numbers and graphs on [Big Brother's] screen," but it's unclear whether his program was used for the final film. The ad cost a shocking $900,000 to film, plus Apple booked two premium slots during the Super Bowl to air it—carrying an airtime cost of more than $1 million.


Although Jobs and his marketing team (plus the assembled throng at his 1983 internal presentation) loved the ad, Apple's Board of Directors hated it. After seeing the ad for the first time, board member Mike Markkula suggested that Chiat\Day be fired, and the remainder of the board were similarly unimpressed. Then-CEO John Sculley recalled the reaction after the ad was screened for the group: "The others just looked at each other, dazed expressions on their faces ... Most of them felt it was the worst commercial they had ever seen. Not a single outside board member liked it." Sculley instructed Chiat\Day to sell off the Super Bowl airtime they had purchased, but Chiat\Day principal Jay Chiat quietly resisted. Chiat had purchased two slots—a 60-second slot in the third quarter to show the full ad, plus a 30-second slot later on to repeat an edited-down version. Chiat sold only the 30-second slot and claimed it was too late to sell the longer one. By disobeying his client's instructions, Chiat cemented Apple's place in advertising history.

When Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak heard that the ad was in trouble, he offered to pony up half the airtime costs himself, saying, "I asked how much it was going to cost, and [Steve Jobs] told me $800,000. I said, 'Well, I'll pay half of it if you will.' I figured it was a problem with the company justifying the expenditure. I thought an ad that was so great a piece of science fiction should have its chance to be seen."

But Woz didn't have to shell out the money; the executive team finally decided to run a 100-day advertising extravaganza for the Mac's launch, starting with the Super Bowl ad—after all, they had already paid to shoot it and were stuck with the airtime.

1984 - Big Brother


When the ad aired, controversy erupted—viewers either loved or hated the ad, and it spurred a wave of media coverage that involved news shows replaying the ad as part of covering it, leading to estimates of an additional $5 million in "free" airtime for the ad. All three national networks, plus countless local markets, ran news stories about the ad. "1984" become a cultural event, and served as a blueprint for future Apple product launches. The marketing logic was brilliantly simple: create an ad campaign that sparked controversy (for example, by insinuating that IBM was like Big Brother), and the media will cover your launch for free, amplifying the message.

The full ad famously ran once during the Super Bowl XVIII (on January 22, 1984), but it also ran the month prior—on December 31, 1983, TV station operator Tom Frank ran the ad on KMVT at the last possible time slot before midnight, in order to qualify for 1983's advertising awards.* (Any awards the ad won would mean more media coverage.) Apple paid to screen the ad in movie theaters before movie trailers, further heightening anticipation for the Mac launch. In addition to all that, the 30-second version was aired across the country after its debut on the Super Bowl.

Chiat\Day adman Steve Hayden recalled: "We ran a 30- second version of '1984' in the top 10 U.S. markets, plus, in an admittedly childish move, in an 11th market—Boca Raton, Florida, headquarters for IBM's PC division." Mac team member Andy Hertzfeld ended his remembrance of the ad by saying:

"A week after the Macintosh launch, Apple held its January board meeting. The Macintosh executive staff was invited to attend, not knowing what to expect. When the Mac people entered the room, everyone on the board rose and gave them a standing ovation, acknowledging that they were wrong about the commercial and congratulating the team for pulling off a fantastic launch.

Chiat\Day wanted the commercial to qualify for upcoming advertising awards, so they ran it once at 1 AM at a small television station in Twin Falls, Idaho, KMVT, on December 15, 1983 [incorrect; see below for an update on this -ed]. And sure enough it won just about every possible award, including best commercial of the decade. Twenty years later it's considered one of the most memorable television commercials ever made."


A year later, Apple again employed Chiat\Day to make a blockbuster ad for their Macintosh Office product line, which was basically a file server, networking gear, and a laser printer. Directed by Ridley Scott's brother Tony, the new ad was called "Lemmings," and featured blindfolded businesspeople whistling an out-of-tune version of Snow White's "Heigh-Ho" as they followed each other off a cliff (referencing the myth of lemming suicide).

Jobs and Sculley didn't like the ad, but Chiat\Day convinced them to run it, pointing out that the board hadn't liked the last ad either. But unlike the rousing, empowering message of the "1984" ad, "Lemmings" directly insulted business customers who had already bought IBM computers. It was also weirdly boring—when it was aired at the Super Bowl (with Jobs and Sculley in attendance), nobody really reacted. The ad was a flop, and Apple even proposed running a printed apology in The Wall Street Journal. Jay Chiat shot back, saying that if Apple apologized, Chiat would buy an ad on the next page, apologizing for the apology. It was a mess:


In 2004, the ad was updated for the launch of the iPod. The only change was that the woman with the hammer was now listening to an iPod, which remained clipped to her belt as she ran. You can watch that version too:


Chiat\Day adman Lee Clow gave an interview about the ad, covering some of this material.

Check out Mac team member Andy Hertzfeld's excellent first-person account of the ad. A similar account (but with more from Jobs's point of view) can found in the Steve Jobs biography, and an even more in-depth account is in The Mac Bathroom Reader. The Mac Bathroom Reader is out of print; you can read an excerpt online, including QuickTime movies of the two versions of the ad, plus a behind-the-scenes video. Finally, you might enjoy this 2004 USA Today article about the ad, pointing out that ads for other computers (including Atari, Radio Shack, and IBM's new PCjr) also ran during that Super Bowl.

* = A Note on the Airing in 1983

Update: Thanks to Tom Frank for writing in to correct my earlier mis-statement about the first air date of this commercial. As you can see in his comment below, Hertzfeld's comments above (and the dates cited in other accounts I've seen) are incorrect. Stay tuned for an upcoming interview with Frank, in which we discuss what it was like running both "1984" and "Lemmings" before they were on the Super Bowl!

Update 2: You can read the story behind this post in Chris's book The Blogger Abides.

This post originally appeared in 2012.


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