What Kind of Friend are YOU? The 13 Types on Facebook

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When it comes to parties, I tend to arrive late. With Facebook, one of the centuries biggest parties, I made no exception. To be completely honest, I created an account many moons ago, but only to play Scrabble with a friend back East. He was my one and only friend. But when it came time a couple months ago to create the How Did You Know? fan page (have you joined yet?), I started spending quality time on Facebook, and eventually changed my fake Scrabble name to my real name, added a photo to my profile, and fleshed out some of the info.

So I'm a month into the party now, and I'm starting to see clear trends. Some friends fall into category A, while others B. What about you all? What kind of friend are you? Here's the category breakdown (and drop a comment if you think I've missed any):

A) The Overzealous Updater

This is the friend who can't go half a day without sharing What's On His Mind. Honestly people. We really don't need to know that you've just had your second shower of the day. For that matter, we didn't need to hear about the first one either.

B) The Link-bot

This is the friend who does nothing but share links all day. Links to articles he's read that he thinks the whole world should be reading, links to movie reviews, links to new games coming on the market, links to his Twitter page where he's gone and posted 10 more links. There needs to be a limit. Some links are good, especially when they send people to this blog. But let's impose a 2-link-max rule per day, what do you say?

C) The Groupie

This is the friend who has joined more groups than Marcia Brady did that one year in high school when she was overcommitted and frazzled. Asian Americans in Israel who Support Diplomacy with Iran? Really?

D) I Am My Kids

This is the friend who only uses Facebook to post photos of the little ones, or updates that read: "Tommy didn't feel well today, so he stayed home from school." Might as well not even have your own profile, just create one for the kid(s), no?

E) Spies (who used to) Like Us

This is the Ex who only friends you so s/he can spy on you and make sure you have fewer friends that s/he does, and that your new significant other is less attractive than s/he was.

F) The Wanna-Be

This is the person who friends someone with the great hope of becoming friends with that person in real life, be it a minor celeb, or just someone the Wanna-Be really admires from a slight distance.

G) The Two-facer

This is the friend who accepts your friend request just to be polite, but then Hides your updates immediately. Unfortunately, you have no idea who the two-facers are.

H) The Networker

This is the friend whose main purpose on Facebook is to build a list he can tap when he needs to for work/career. You know these friends because they only message you with e-mails that read "So you still over at Viacom?"

I) The OverPoker

No need to explain this one, right?

J) The Get-A-Lifer

This is the hardcore friend who has nothing better to do but subscribe and follow you via SMS.

K) The Attention Seeker*

This is the friend who posts status updates that are purposely vague, and therefore beg for a comment. Their status is all about getting you to respond, getting attention, getting sympathy. "Lori is scared, but hopes everything works out..." [*sent to me by my friend Dawn, who is definitely an M... see below]

L) The Over Suggester

Just stop. Okay? Let me figure out who I want to be friends with, okay? Honestly.

M) The Good Friend

This is the friend who mercifully doesn't fit in any of the above categories and is, hopefully, just one of many normal, average facebookers you've friended. Let's hear it for the Good Friend!

{Honorable mention: The Foodie -- this is the friend who's always posting updates with photos of plates of food}

{Favorite quote overheard when a friend of a Friend got a new Friend on FB -- "Ah man, I'm now friends with my dad... Jesus."}

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July 16, 2009 - 4:30am
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