The Quick 10: 10 Questionable Patents

Image credit: 

With the millions of patents out there, there are bound to be a few nutso ones, right? Or maybe a LOT of them. Here are 10 of the more curious patents out there. I'll let you decide if they're crazy-genius or crazy-crazy.

mask1. Anti-eating face mask. I guess people have spent money on stranger weight-loss techniques, but I feel like this one would earn you some pretty strange looks when you're out in public. But you would get bonus points if you wore it out and about and then ended your conversations with, "I'd love to chat more, but I'm having an old friend for dinner..."
2. Beerbrella. It's soooo annoying when a bug flies into your drink or the sun beams its rays right down into your icy cold beverage and renders it lukewarm. Well, the Beerbrella is supposed to help with both of those problems. Or you could drink your beer faster and not have either of those issues to begin with.

3. Speaking of umbrellas, isn't it a pain to carry one? No worries "“ the body mounted umbrella is here to save the day! Simply strap on an unsightly belt around your waist and then insert the umbrella into the back of it. Voila! Hands-free umbrella. And it's almost as cool looking as the umbrella hat.

bib4. Bib for use while operating a vehicle. I don't"¦ I just"¦ it's so"¦ What?! Is this even legal? Although if you couple this with SNL's Jiffy Pop airbag, you might just be on to something...

5. Skyscraper Curtains. In case of a fire, curtains attached to the top of a skyscraper automatically unfurl to cover all of the windows and suffocate the fire.
6. Wig flipping device. It's a spring-loaded device that allows the wearer to literally flip their wig at their whim. The problem with this is, you have to wear this stupid thing and wait around for someone to use the phrase in front of you until you can really use it for maximum effect. And I don't think people say that phrase much these days.

toe7. Toe puppets. Here's the official explanation: "A puppet is adapted to be mounted on a single human digit for providing animated motion of a figurine responsive to movement of the single human digit. The puppet comprises a hollow, elastic cap having an interior wall defining a cavity into which the single human digit is snugly received. The cap includes a resilient neck portion for supporting the figurine at a distance spaced from the single human digit such that movement of the single human digit causes the neck portion and the figurine to oscillate to and fro under the influence of the weight of the figurine." Which is great and all, but leads to the question"¦ why?! Maybe if your kid looooves puppets and you lost both arms in a tragic accident. That's the only reason I can come up with. It's either that or to creep someone out who really hates feet.

bee8. A self-containing enclosure for protection from killer bees. I think the name and the picture say it all.

bird9. Bird diaper. I know pet birds are messy, but the picture sent me into a fit of giggles when I saw it. I fail to imagine any bird, pet or not, that will let you wrangle it into this contraption.
10. Apparatus for simulating a high five. Is there anything sadder than when you're excited about something or have just accomplished something wonderful and you go to high five someone"¦ and there's no one there? OK, yeah, there are a lot of things sadder than that. But if that's on your top five list of disappointing things about life, this patent has got you covered. As long as you don't mind a disembodied arm sitting around your house, that is.

Ahhh"¦ I don't think I've been so amused when writing a Quick 10 in a long time. There are some more really great ones here, if you're in need of a laugh this afternoon too.

May 19, 2009 - 11:20am
submit to reddit