The Stupidest Things Our Readers Have Done
We've all done some pretty stupid things in our lives. If you're looking for evidence, here are some of the confessions our readers made in an effort to win a copy of the latest Darwin Awards book.
Before announcing the winner, let's run through a few of the highlights. (Note: There was one entry I couldn't even bring myself to copy/paste. Every time I brush my teeth or cut my nails, it will haunt me.)
I had written the perfect college essay. Metaphors, real life examples, purpose, meaning, heart, it had all the necessary components to be successful. With an above average GPA and more than satisfactory SAT scores, my essay was the cherry on the ice cream. I submitted my application to my first-choice school.
Not too many weeks letter I received a rejection letter. I asked myself, "What could have possibly kept me out?" What I discovered was that in the final paragraph of the last component of my application, the personal essay, I had mentioned always wanting to go to Boston College since I was very young.
I was applying to Boston University.
For YEARS I harbored the delusion that the TV show "Perfect Strangers" ended its run with the revelation that Balki and Larry were not actually related. That Balki had showed up at the home of the wrong Larry Appleton.
This was one of my many trivia tidbits that I shared freely at parties and late night diner sessions.
From Witty Nickname:
In eighth grade I was with my brother in the church parking lot. I don't remember why we were there alone, but we were. He had just gotten his driver's license, and we decided it would be a good idea for me to sit on the trunk of the car, and for him to drive around.
He started doing donuts, FAST! I fell off the back of the car and broke my arm. We drove back home quick, I told my parents we were playing tag, they never questioned why two teenagers were playing tag alone at church, and how it got so intense that I broke my arm.
Turns out, my van wasn't actually in park. It took off down the hill, narrowly missing several people. Unfortunately, it did NOT miss the vintage AirStream camper parked in its way. Did major structural damage to the camper. Basically, it destroyed a very valuable camper. Whoops. The owners of said AirStream were extremely pissed. My glib 18 year old recation was, $hit happens. Not a favorable response.
Invading Russia in the Winter
Freshman year in college, rolling around on the floor with boy interest & nose ring = snagged nose ring & bleeding. I wish I could say that I had been drinking (alas I cannot). Did not want to get an infection so I decided to treat with alcohol. Picked up the alcohol bottle, laid on my bed and proceeded to pour rubbing alcohol up my nose. Burned out my nasal membranes and still have difficulty smelling with my left nostril.
I currently teach biology to pre-nursing students and somehow manage to share this story every semester.
I debated sharing this story or the one where I set myself on fire my junior year of college. But, I figure everyone's done that at least once. :-)
Not start reading Mental_floss until I was 12.
Knowing that all that the mall cops could do was call the REAL police, me and my accomplice streaked down half the length of the mall, past several confused shoppers (thank GOD this was before the camera phone and YouTube) and right the hell to our cars.
From Kendyl's Husband:
I glued the garage door shut.
From Matthew C.:
After living in England for four years, I moved back to America in a very stupid way.
My plan was to fly from Heathrow, London to Charleston, WV where a friend of mine was waiting to drive me home. After an anxious hour of waiting, I got fed up and decided to rent a car and just drive myself home. I hadn't been there for many years and quickly got turned around and lost trying to find the main road to home. So, I stopped at a gas station for directions. The clerk had a hard time giving me directions because he'd never heard of my home town. So I actually asked, "Okay, how about you show me how to get to the main road leading East. I can take it from there." He pulled out a map and replied, "If you go East from here, you'll go into the ocean." It was a map of SOUTH CAROLINA. I was in Charleston, SC"¦not WV. When I bought the plane ticket in England, I failed to notice the state abbreviation.
I watched "Witless Protection," one of Larry the Cable Guy's movies.
From Colin GG:
once in frustration after losing a foosball game I punched what I had always assumed to be our soft couch. What I actually punched quite squarely was the heavy iron bar frame, which did not cushion my hand but broke it instead. And this was just post-college so I didn't have insurance.
When I was about 12yrs old, I played little league baseball and loved to have some big league chew. I shoved the gum in to my mouth by the handful.
Well, one night we had a sleepover at a teammate's house and of course, we all had our big league chew. I had just taken another large pinch of gum when my friend's mom said we should get to bed soon. I figured that the gum still had too much flavor left in it to waste so I decided to save it for the morning. Not wanting to choke on the gum, I decided to hold it in my hand while I slept.
I learned just how much I toss and turn that night because I managed to roll around in the gum so much that it was everywhere. It was along my side and in my armpit so my arm was cemented to my side. I managed to get myself stuck to the carpet. My friends tried to pull me up, but I did not break loose.
The worst part of it is that like most people, I had to go to the bathroom very badly when I woke up. My friend's mom couldn't think of a way to unstick me from the carpet fast enough and I had an accident right there on the carpet. Needless to say, we did not have any more sleep overs. At least none that I knew of.
It was my first week in college (Cornell in Ithaca, NY) and I decided to try out my first (and only) pair of rollerblades. I tried to stay slow. I weaved back and forth and I was almost constantly applying the break.
Right before my dorm, there is a large bridge that goes over a gorge, Ithaca is famous for people committing suicide by jumping into the gorges"¦
I head down the rest of the hill, gaining more speed that I should have, and hit a crack in the pavement and went flying forward, and landed on top of the bridge wall overhanging the gorge, one foot dangling over the precipice.
I crawled back on the pavement, took off my rollerblades and walked the rest of the way to the dorm terrified. I am a Cornell Graduate with an MBA from Hofstra, and I was less than a foot away from falling into a gorge freshman year. I probably would have made me a darwin award winner.
A friend of mine had a conversation about how we both like when women wear black pantyhose.
Later that day we went to the mall and at one point I said to him "Look, black hose" while motioning in the direction of a women in black pantyhose.
What I didn't realize was that in between us and the girl I was talking about were two African-American women who heard what I said - and heard ho's instead of hose.
I left quickly.
...Turns out my boyfriend's little brother flushed a toothbrush down the toilet right before i got there.
But because this was so brilliantly stupid and absolutely something I could see myself doing, the winner is Meredith:
"My sister left her phone at my house recently and I spent 20 minutes trying to call her to tell her to come pick it up already because it wouldn't stop ringing."
Congrats, Meredith! I will be in touch about your prize, and we'll wrap up the Anything for a Vote giveaway tonight.