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8 Forgotten Kids Shows Sure to Give You Nightmares

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Cable access shows aside, the strangest stuff on TV has to be children's programming. I used to watch it myself, but I was a picky viewer -- much of it I found boring, and downright weird. I was also a nightmare-prone kid, plagued by recurring nightmares about Count Chocula, for instance, and my mom wouldn't let me watch Thundercats because she thought Lion-O's mummified antagonist, Mumm-Ra, was too scary for me. (She was probably right.) As I get older, though, I realize that I never had the misfortune of being exposed to the strangest of the strange when it came to kids' shows -- but that's exactly what YouTube is for! Looking back, it boggles the mind that adult television executives thought these shows would appeal to children; I think they're some of the creepiest clips ever aired. See if you don't agree.

1. Peppermint Park

These puppets are like textbook examples from Freud's classic essay on the uncanny, Das Unheimliche, perhaps best illustrated by the now-famous "uncanny valley" graph. I'd argue that the "Peppermint Park" puppets are at least as uncanny as reanimated corpses:

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2. Los Dientes!

In this clip from an unknown Spanish TV show, a kid and puppet repeat "the teeth!" over and over again while laughing like hyenas. The wolf, the spastic laughing, the chattering teeth -- it's like a perfect recipe for debilitating nightmares.

3. The Adventures of Mark Twain

This creepily-claymated rendition of Mark Twain's classic story "The Mysterious Stranger" has a group of kids meeting Satan ... with results so unsettling, this episode was apparently banned from TV.

4. Fun with Grids

We're not sure which show this clip is from exactly, but then again, maybe we're better off not knowing. Four minutes of this insane rabbit character and his friend, who from what I can tell is doing a terrible impression of an autistic boy, is more than enough. Cool-a-rama!!

5. Noseybonk

Noseybonk, a character from the BBC kids' show Jigsaw, looks like some twisted precursor to the Jigsaw killer from the Saw movies (hmm, wonder where they got the name?) ... absolutely frightening.

6. Don't put it in your mouth!

While this PSA has an important message to convey -- don't put random things in your mouth, kids! -- its lyrics are far too easy to mock, and its puppets far too strange and creepy. The theory behind puppet design seems to be, if you put fur on it, no matter how weirdly-shaped it is, kids will find it charming and lovable. If only it were that easy.

7. The New Zoo Revue: "The Miracle of Birth"

Big creepy puppets that look exactly like the ones from Peter Jackson's nightmarish Meet the Feebles? Check. Super-awkward sex-ed dialogue? Check. 70s hair that makes everybody look vaguely like sex predators? Check. Worst song ever? Double-check.

8. Many Voices, Many Visions: "You look like a little black boy!"

Oh man, this one's a kettle of worms. It's from the PBS show Many Voices, Many Visions, and the way it was edited (by YouTube user cringevision), leaves out a lot of context, so it's hard to tell what the intention of this segment truly was. But the mom comforting her son by saying "Hey, it's not like you're really black!" -- says it all. Creepy on a whole new level.

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iStock // Ekaterina Minaeva
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Man Buys Two Metric Tons of LEGO Bricks; Sorts Them Via Machine Learning
May 21, 2017
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iStock // Ekaterina Minaeva

Jacques Mattheij made a small, but awesome, mistake. He went on eBay one evening and bid on a bunch of bulk LEGO brick auctions, then went to sleep. Upon waking, he discovered that he was the high bidder on many, and was now the proud owner of two tons of LEGO bricks. (This is about 4400 pounds.) He wrote, "[L]esson 1: if you win almost all bids you are bidding too high."

Mattheij had noticed that bulk, unsorted bricks sell for something like €10/kilogram, whereas sets are roughly €40/kg and rare parts go for up to €100/kg. Much of the value of the bricks is in their sorting. If he could reduce the entropy of these bins of unsorted bricks, he could make a tidy profit. While many people do this work by hand, the problem is enormous—just the kind of challenge for a computer. Mattheij writes:

There are 38000+ shapes and there are 100+ possible shades of color (you can roughly tell how old someone is by asking them what lego colors they remember from their youth).

In the following months, Mattheij built a proof-of-concept sorting system using, of course, LEGO. He broke the problem down into a series of sub-problems (including "feeding LEGO reliably from a hopper is surprisingly hard," one of those facts of nature that will stymie even the best system design). After tinkering with the prototype at length, he expanded the system to a surprisingly complex system of conveyer belts (powered by a home treadmill), various pieces of cabinetry, and "copious quantities of crazy glue."

Here's a video showing the current system running at low speed:

The key part of the system was running the bricks past a camera paired with a computer running a neural net-based image classifier. That allows the computer (when sufficiently trained on brick images) to recognize bricks and thus categorize them by color, shape, or other parameters. Remember that as bricks pass by, they can be in any orientation, can be dirty, can even be stuck to other pieces. So having a flexible software system is key to recognizing—in a fraction of a second—what a given brick is, in order to sort it out. When a match is found, a jet of compressed air pops the piece off the conveyer belt and into a waiting bin.

After much experimentation, Mattheij rewrote the software (several times in fact) to accomplish a variety of basic tasks. At its core, the system takes images from a webcam and feeds them to a neural network to do the classification. Of course, the neural net needs to be "trained" by showing it lots of images, and telling it what those images represent. Mattheij's breakthrough was allowing the machine to effectively train itself, with guidance: Running pieces through allows the system to take its own photos, make a guess, and build on that guess. As long as Mattheij corrects the incorrect guesses, he ends up with a decent (and self-reinforcing) corpus of training data. As the machine continues running, it can rack up more training, allowing it to recognize a broad variety of pieces on the fly.

Here's another video, focusing on how the pieces move on conveyer belts (running at slow speed so puny humans can follow). You can also see the air jets in action:

In an email interview, Mattheij told Mental Floss that the system currently sorts LEGO bricks into more than 50 categories. It can also be run in a color-sorting mode to bin the parts across 12 color groups. (Thus at present you'd likely do a two-pass sort on the bricks: once for shape, then a separate pass for color.) He continues to refine the system, with a focus on making its recognition abilities faster. At some point down the line, he plans to make the software portion open source. You're on your own as far as building conveyer belts, bins, and so forth.

Check out Mattheij's writeup in two parts for more information. It starts with an overview of the story, followed up with a deep dive on the software. He's also tweeting about the project (among other things). And if you look around a bit, you'll find bulk LEGO brick auctions online—it's definitely a thing!

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Nick Briggs/Comic Relief
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What Happened to Jamie and Aurelia From Love Actually?
May 26, 2017
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Nick Briggs/Comic Relief

Fans of the romantic-comedy Love Actually recently got a bonus reunion in the form of Red Nose Day Actually, a short charity special that gave audiences a peek at where their favorite characters ended up almost 15 years later.

One of the most improbable pairings from the original film was between Jamie (Colin Firth) and Aurelia (Lúcia Moniz), who fell in love despite almost no shared vocabulary. Jamie is English, and Aurelia is Portuguese, and they know just enough of each other’s native tongues for Jamie to propose and Aurelia to accept.

A decade and a half on, they have both improved their knowledge of each other’s languages—if not perfectly, in Jamie’s case. But apparently, their love is much stronger than his grasp on Portuguese grammar, because they’ve got three bilingual kids and another on the way. (And still enjoy having important romantic moments in the car.)

In 2015, Love Actually script editor Emma Freud revealed via Twitter what happened between Karen and Harry (Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, who passed away last year). Most of the other couples get happy endings in the short—even if Hugh Grant's character hasn't gotten any better at dancing.

[h/t TV Guide]

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