Names Too Long For Name Tags (Even Comically Oversized Ones)

Image credit: 

We've all heard about celebrities who give their children, ah, unusual names. Pilot Inspektor, Moxie CrimeFighter, Audio Science, Kal-El. But this really isn't a recent phenomenon. People have been giving their kids interesting and unusual names (I'm trying to be diplomatic, here) since, well, people have been having kids.

Nicholas Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died-For-Thee- Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barbon

There's no documentation, but it's thought that he is the song of Praise-God Barebone/Barbon, an English preacher. Nicholas Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died"¦ OK, let's just call him Nicholas. Nicholas was an important part of London society and was integral in rebuilding the city after the great fire of 1666. All records show that he went strictly by the name of "Nicholas". I wonder what his gravestone says?

Louis George Maurice Adolphe Roche Albert Abel Antonio Alexandre Noë Jean Lucien Daniel Eugène Joseph-le-brun Joseph-Barême Thomas Thomas Thomas-Thomas Pierre Arbon Pierre-Maurel Barthélemi Artus Alphonse Bertrand Dieudonné Emanuel Josué Vincent Luc Michel Jules-de-la-plane Jules-Bazin Julio César Jullien

Louis was born on April 23, 1812 in Sisteron, Alpes-de-Haute Provence. His 36 names were given to him by members of the Sisteron Philharmonic. It appears that he preferred to go by "Louis Antoine Jullien", which is what he became known by when he became world-renowned for his orchestra. After traveling Scotland, Ireland and America, he settled in Paris where he was jailed for debt.

Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff

Hubert was born in Germany in 1904 and later settled in Philadelphia. I know; you're reading that name and thinking, "That's long, but it's not that long." Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff is actually the shortened form of his name. His full name was: Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenberger-
dorffvoralternwarengewissenhaftschaferswessenschafewaren-
wohlgepflegeundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutzenvonangreifendurch-
ihrraubgierigfeindewelchevoralternzwolftausendjahresvoran-
dieerscheinenwanderersteerdemenschderraumschiffgebrauch-
lichtalsseinursprungvonkraftgestartseinlangefahrthinzwischen-
sternartigraumaufdersuchenachdiesternwelchegehabtbewohn-
barplanetenkreisedrehensichundwohinderneurassevonver-
standigmenschlichkeitkonntefortplanzenundsicherfreuenan-
lebenslanglichfreudeundruhemitnichteinfurchtvorangreifenvon-
andererintelligentgeschopfsvonhinzwischensternartigraum, Senior
(which begs the question"¦ is there a Junior? And why would he do that to his son?)

The Museum of Hoaxes has looked into this one to verify it and has decided it "seems to be true," unless the people at the Guinness Book of World Records were victims of a hoax themselves. Guinness named Mr. Wolfe+585 (the name he started going by) as the man with the longest name in the world from the mid 1970s to 1983. Apparently the entry for "longest name" disappeared altogether in the late 80s.

Anna Bertha Cecilia Diana Emily Fanny Gertrude Hypatia Inez Jane Kate Louise Maud Nora Ophelia Prudence Quince Rebecca Sarah Teresa Ulysis Venus Winifred Xenophon Yetty Zeno Pepper

Anna was a British lady profiled by Ripley's Believe It Or Not! in 1929. Apparently her friends just called her "Alphabet" for short.

Sometimes, though, people given conventional names at birth just aren't satisfied to be ordinary.

Tarquin Biscuit-Barrel

John Desmond Lewis, a 22-year-old student, changed his name to Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel, the name of a character from Monty Python's Flying Circus. He did so to contest the 1979 general election in the U.K. When the results of the general election were declared, the Returning Officer referred to John Desmond Lewis as "Mr. Tarquin Biscuit-Barrel."

bond

James...Bond

David Fearn changed his commonplace name to James Dr No From Russia with Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty's Secret Service Diamonds Are Forever Live and Let Die The Man with the Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View to a Kill The Living Daylights Licence to Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies The World Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond. No word on whether Fearn is a James Bond fan or not.

Then, of course, you have families who can't resist giving their whole brood coordinating names. Here's a couple:

Poppy Petal Emma Elizabeth Deveraux Donahue Montgomery

poppyYep, that's Without a Trace's Poppy Montgomery's full name. She has sisters named Rosie Thorn, Daisy Yellow, Lily Belle and Marigold Sun. She has a brother too. Anyone want to take a stab at his name? You'll never guess. It's Jethro Tull.

The Geldof/Yates kids

peachesBob Geldof and Paula Yates had three daughters together "“ Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa (that's her on the right), Little Pixie Frou-Frou and Fifi Trixibelle. They divorced and Paula moved in with Michael Hutchence from INXS. They also had a daughter, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily.

The Phoenixes

riverDid you know River Phoenix's real name is River Bottom? Seriously. River Jude Bottom. His dad's name was John Bottom. River's brother, obviously, is Joaquin. He had three younger sisters "“ Rain, Summer and Liberty "“ and one half sister named Trust. River, Joaquin, Rain, Summer and Liberty's mother's given name was Arlyn but she changed her name to "Heart" in 1988.

The Zappa Kids

moonObviously I can't end this post without mentioning the Zappa kids. First, there's Moon Unit Zappa, who just goes by Moon Zappa. Dweezil Zappa's given name was Ian Donald Calvin Euclid Zappa because the hospital refused to register him as Dweezil. His whole family continued to call him that, though, and he legally changed his name to Dweezil when he was only seven. Ahmet Emuukha Rodin Zappa is named after Ahmet Ertegün, one of the founders at Atlantic Records who was responsible for Frank's career. Finally, Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen Zappa came along in 1979 and earned her name because she was the loudest baby in the nursery (according to Frank).

I know I've only hit the tip of the iceberg "“ let's hear about the strange names you've come across!

twitterbanner.jpg

shirts-555.jpg

tshirtsubad_static-11.jpg

March 20, 2008 - 8:25am
webby
submit to reddit