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My Favorite Monsters: the Vampire

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You don't see many vampire movies hit the big screen anymore -- at least not vampires of yore; those of the fang-toothed, pale-skinned cape-wearing variety. Those hoary old cliches have lately become box-office poison, but that doesn't mean the vampire story has left us. They've just shifted their shape a bit.

We had a lively discussion of the zombie a few weeks ago, and it was generally agreed upon that zombies are fascinating to us because they're anti-human -- they look human (just barely), but everything else about them is pure animal. Vampires, on the other hand, are very human; thanks in part to Bram Stoker, the stereotypical vampire exemplifies gentlemanly refinement, and is of the utmost class and breeding in every way save one -- he wants to suck your blood.

So what vampire stories have become are tales of the fatal flaw: of extremely high-functioning people who might be perfect, but for their horrible addiction. Under that rubric, movies like The Silence of the Lambs become modern-day vampire stories; Hannibal Lecter is a gentleman, a genius, a flatterer -- a Lord Byron type if there ever was one -- it just so happens that he'd rather eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti than chit-chat:

To my mind, then, zombies are interesting because they represent an inhuman Otherness -- death incarnate -- and vampires are interesting because they seem so human. They are essentially incomplete people -- hence their desperate addiction -- and the tragic thing about them is that they may want something other than what their nature demands; the vampire may love the girl, but he is doomed to kill her for her blood nevertheless.

But hey, enough blather. They just don't make 'em like this anymore:

What do you prefer -- Lecter or Lugosi?

Bonus question: what other modern-day vampire stories can you name (that don't literally feature a vampire)?

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25 Benefits of Adopting a Rescue Dog
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According to the ASPCA, 3.3 million dogs enter shelters each year in the United States. Although that number has gone down since 2011 (from 3.9 million) there are still millions of dogs waiting in shelters for a forever home. October is Adopt a Shelter Dog Month; here are 25 benefits of adopting a shelter dog.

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How Urban Legends Like 'The Licked Hand' Are Born
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If you compare the scary stories you heard as a kid with those of your friends—even those who grew up across the country from you—you’ll probably hear some familiar tales. Maybe you tried to summon Bloody Mary by chanting her name in front of the mirror three times in a dark bathroom. Maybe you learned never to wonder what’s under a woman’s neck ribbon. Maybe you heard the one about the girl who feels her dog lick her hand in the middle of the night, only to wake up to find him hanging dead from the shower nozzle, the words “humans can lick too” written on the wall in the dog’s blood.

These ubiquitous, spooky folk tales exist everywhere, and a lot of them take surprisingly similar forms. How does a single story like the one often called “Humans Can Lick Too” or "The Licked Hand" make its way into every slumber party in America? Thrillist recently investigated the question with a few experts, finding that most of these stories have very deep roots.

In the case of The Licked Hand, its origins go back more than a century. In the 1990s, Snopes found that a similar motif dates back to an Englishman’s diary entry from 1871. In it, the diary keeper, Dearman Birchall, retold a story he heard at a party of a man whose wife woke him up in the middle of the night, urging him to go investigate what sounded like burglars in their home. He told his wife that it was only the dog, reaching out his hand. He felt the dog lick his hand … but in the morning, all his valuables were gone: He had clearly been robbed.

A similar theme shows up in the short story “The Diary of Mr. Poynter,” published in 1919 by M.R. James. In it, a character dozes off in an armchair, and thinks that he is petting his dog. It turns out, it’s some kind of hairy human figure that he flees from. The story seems to have evolved from there into its presently popular form, picking up steam in the 1960s. As with any folk tale, its exact form changes depending on the teller: sometimes the main character is an old lady, other times it’s a young girl.

You’ll probably hear these stories in the context of happening to a “friend of a friend,” making you more likely to believe the tale. It practically happened to someone you know! Kind of! The setting, too, is probably somewhere nearby. It might be in your neighborhood, or down by the local railroad tracks.

Thrillist spoke to Dr. Joseph Stubbersfield, a researcher in the UK who studies urban legends, who says the kind of stories that spread widely contain both social information and emotional resonance. Meaning they contain a message—you never know who’s lurking in your house—and are evocative.

If something is super scary or gross, you want to share it. Stories tend to warn against something: A study of English-language urban legends circulating online found that most warned listeners about the hazards of life (poisonous plants, dangerous animals, dangerous humans) rather than any kind of opportunities. We like to warn each other of the dangers that could be lurking around every corner, which makes sense considering our proven propensity to focus on and learn from negative information. And yes, that means telling each other to watch out for who’s licking our hands in the middle of the night.

Just something to keep in mind as you eagerly await Jezebel’s annual scary story contest.

[h/t Thrillist]

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