Most political junkies can name all 16 major presidential candidates, but there were 42 candidates on the ballots in the New Hampshire primary! And that's only the candidates running for the republican and democratic party nominations. Who are all these people? Last March, I posted Those Crazy Candidates. Now that the primary season has started, I look back and see that the article centered on celebrities and fictional characters, including some who hadn't even declared. There are plenty of real people running that you've never heard of.
1. Jack Shepard
Jack Shepard is running his presidential campaign from his home in Rome, Italy, where he fled 25 years ago to avoid prosecution for arson. He is also on parole for a 1979 sexual assault charge. Shepard is a practicing dentist in Italy, although his liscence was revoked in Minnesota in 1983 due to a string of violent incidences. Shepard was on the ballot in the New Hampshire Primary.
2. Gene Amondson
Gene Amondson is the National Prohibition Party nominee for president, as he was in 2004. Amondson is a minister who garnered almost 2,000 votes in the previous race, and appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart in a segment called Party Like It's 1929. His website also contains his artwork and recipes for pies.
More declared candidates, after the jump.
3. Vermin Love Supreme
Vermin Love Supreme was the first candidate to file for the New Hampshire Primary. He received 41 votes. Supreme's priority issue is mandatory toothbrushing. His favorite color is plaid, and his favorite sport is women's rollerderby.
4. Chief Jack Boulerice
Jacques Yves 'Chief Jack' Boulerice is running on the Native American Party ticket, which he founded. Chief Jack is anti-immigration, anti-union, and wants to eliminate term limits. As president, he would insist that all immigrants speak English and all government and business dealings be conducted in English only. He has a plan to control wages, not by raising the minimum wage, but by capping all wages at $200,000 a year, with a limit of $25,000 for bonuses. Chief Jack ran for president in 2000 and 2004 also.
5. Princess Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias
Christina Gerasimos Billings-Elias has a graphic-based campaign website with little text. From the front page:
Christina born to be President of 'Our America.' Â©â„¢. 'The Chosen One, Â©â„¢ as proclaimed by Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, friends of Theodore and Evelyn Gerasimos, first Greek in Detroit 1890. People's King of the Greeks emanating from Spartan Royalty Warriors.
Although she has extensive information on her family tree and ancestors, I couldn't even find her birthday, much less an explanation of "The Chosen One". She alludes to a story of kidnapping and murder in her family, but does not elaborate. Billing-Elias is running as a democrat. She was not on the New Hampshire ballot.
6. Daniel Melzine Kingery
Daniel Melzine Kingery belongs to no political party, and isn't afraid to tell it like it is.
At various times in my life, I've been a thief, adulterer, verbally insulted others, drank, smoked, and lied among many others that I'm not so proud of. Because of the lessons learned, I'm not ashamed of them either.
Kingery, as president, would abolish the electoral college, declare all judgeships to be elected positions, and make corrupt leaders subject to charges of treason. He favors a flat tax and a national ID card with DNA information to be issued at birth.
7. James Wellington Wright
James Wellington Wright is a democratic candidate for president, with pages of political opinions on his site. I decided to include him on this list when I found this graphic that explains his immigration policy under the heading "Let me make this perfectly clear!"
It's a curious combination of old-fashioned jingoism and modern internet slang. Wright was not on the New Hampshire ballot.
8. Joe Martyiuk
Joe Martyniuk has more policy than biography on his campaign website. But he does have this on the front page:
Joe's an inventor and entrepreneur. He's short and dumpy. He stutters and stammers. All the bad things you hear about him are true. But there are 300 million of you to help him get the job done. He's pro-birth control, conceal carry, stem cell research, unions, separation of church and state, open internet, balanced budget, import brain power, and extended unemployment benefits. God bless and defend our troops.
9. Jonathon Sharkey
Jonathon 'The Impaler' Sharkey is the founder of the Vampyres, Witches, and Pagans Party, but shows up as Independent on most candidate lists. He is the commanding general and "Death Dealer" with the 1st Vampyre, Witches, Pagans Militia Regiment. Despite those titles, he has a political agenda that covers trade, taxes, health care, taxes, and foreign policy.
10. Caroline Killeen
Caroline P. Killeen is 81 years old and has no home or permanent address. She lived in Italy for most of 2007, and came back to the US to run for president. Her platform has one issue: global warming. Killeen advocates the use of solar clothes dryers, also known as clotheslines. She had to borrow money for airfare to the Unitesd States, and used three of her Social Security checks to get on the ballot in New Hampshire.
11. Jack Grimes
Jackson Kirk 'Jack' Grimes is running for the United Fascist Union party, which he heads. The party was incorporated in 1996 to "promote the economic theories and political ideologies of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein." Grimes' priorities are to abolish paper money, freeze prices on consumer goods before reducing those prices, and to form a league of nations with the aim of world government.
12. Bennie Lee Ferguson
Bennie Lee "Ben" Ferguson is running for president and simutaneously for the Kansas State House of Representatives. She explains on her website that the presidential run is mainly to provide publicity for her statehouse campaign. Bennie Lee is an openly transgender candidate and college student who makes a living entertaining with the Bennie Ferguson Band.