"¢ It's intern season. If you'd like to nominate yourself, read the original 'Calling All Interns' post. And if you think your daughter or nephew or the funny hallmate who writes those intrusive but amusing all-dorm emails should apply, please pass along the details.
"¢ Monday is the last day to order floss-y gifts that are guaranteed to arrive before Christmas. Our Free Shipping (U.S. only) offer is also good through Monday "“ just enter the code 'SHIP' during checkout. Visit the mental_floss store for t-shirts, calendars, board games and books. Or consider a gift subscription.
"¢ A few great posts from the past week that you may have missed:
7 of History's Most Terrifying Sports Riots
A Brief History of Celebrity Political Endorsements
6 College Pranks (We Wish We Had Thought Of)
13 Nostalgia-Heavy Commercials to Make You Pine for 1987
"¢ We've picked five winners in our 'Design a mental_floss t-shirt' contest. We'll be contacting the victors this week, and rolling out the new shirts in early 2008. Stay tuned.
"¢ It's time to announce the winners of our 'Declare Yourself a Saint (and Win a Book About Your Peers)' contest. The submissions were fantastic. First let me thank our panel of judges: Allison, John, Kevin, Elizabeth-Anne and Dan.
We've expanded the winner's circle to include three readers, who will all receive a copy of This Saint's For You!, plus a few runners-up.
Winner #1: I am St. Susan, Patron Saint of Customer Service. Every time you phone your phone company, bank, or car loan company, I am with you. When you have been on hold 30 minutes and have been told that you are the next caller 45 times, I am with you. When the automated voice appreciates your patience 65 times, I am still with you. And when you finally think you are getting a live operator after an hour, but you are disconnected, and when you call back the message states they are on Yakutsk (YAKT) time and are closed, I am still with you.
Pray to me and I bring to you patience and understanding so that you will know that YOU WILL finally get through to someone only to find he/she has limited knowledge of English. Peace be with you. Amen.
Winner #2: I am St. Matt, the patron saint of nervous energy. Pray to me whenever you feel anxious and concerned that you should be doing more with your time. Pray to me while you make restless cell phone calls or text any friend that will listen. I will make you aware that your pacing has got your neighbor feeling seasick, or whisper a reminder in your ear to stop shaking your knee because you are annoying everyone else at the table. You should pray to me during commercial breaks at movie theaters, while waiting in line at Starbucks, or whenever you need to restart your computer for a random Windows update.
I'll do what I can to put your mind at ease, however I may only have a limited time to help since there are so many other things that I should be doing right now.
Amen to that!
Winner #3: I am St Tricia, and there's a 30 percent chance that I'm the Patron Saint of the TV weather people. If you say it's going to be partly cloudy, just ask me and I'll let you call it a more pleasing mostly sunny. Whenever you need to cut into someone's favorite afternoon program to let them know there may or may not be a slight chance of severe thunderstorms and floods, call on me and I'll be there. Just to make sure everyone understands what's going on, I'll help you repeat the same warning 3 times, bringing the "Severe Weather, Death and Destruction Update" to 15 minutes instead of 2. I will also beef up your title to Chief Meteorologist of the World so that you're really respected, even though your forecasts are wrong 5 out of 7 days of the week and you probably don't have a degree in Meteorology. Also call on me for my specialties, arm sweeping ability and all things green-screen. Pray to me that you don't get fired when your boss comes back from golfing soaking wet after you told him it would be sunny. Amen.
And three runners-up who earned free t-shirts...
Runner-up #1: I am St. Korin, Patron Saint of the weird people who look like a giraffe when they run. I will ensure that they provide entertainment for the rest of world without injuring themselves.
Runner-up #2: I am St. Christopher, Patron Saint of urine sample collectors. Pray to me to be able to spot "whizzinators." To be able to detect the presence of excessive Vitmain B consumption. The ability to avoid the Poppy seed false positive. And, most importantly, to not spill any of it on you accidentally.
Runner-up #3: I am St. Madeleine, patroness of that annoying thing that happens when you encounter someone walking in the opposite direction and you both try to sidestep each other only to wind up face to face again. You know what I'm talking about. Just whisper a quick prayer to me and your path shall be impeded no longer.
(I'll be in touch about getting you your prizes.)