Weekend Word Wrap: curious instructions

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I always enjoy reading instruction manuals. They're filled with misplaced modifiers, split infinitives, curious fragments and hilarious typos of all shapes and colors, especially with imported electronic gear. But this post isn't about any of those things; it's about an unusual paragraph in the instruction manual from a new oven I recently bought. If you can't read the highlighted text there from the actual oven manual I scanned, the words go like this:

IMPORTANT: The health of some birds is extremely sensitive to the fumes given off during the self-cleaning cycle of any oven. Move birds to another well ventilated room.

birds.jpgOkay, so this is bizarre in a few ways, right? For starters, shouldn't it say, "IF you own birds, please move them"¦" How can they just assume that I have a pet bird? They further assume that I keep my pet bird in the kitchen. Shouldn't it read, "IF you own a pet bird and DON'T keep it in a well ventilated room away from the kitchen, please move it there pronto!"

It's also strange because, well, let's face it folks, imagine the testing that went on before they discovered birds dying.

Lastly: hello?! Anyone ever hear of the canary-in-the-coalmine syndrome? If birds are up and dying, maybe we humans should move to a well ventilated room while the oven is cleaning, too!

Rant over. If you have a funny instruction manual story to share, please do. I'll leave you (after the jump) with a couple other good ones I found over on one of my favorite sites, always good for lots of laughs: ThisIsBroken.com

scissor.jpgJeremy Esland writes:

Somehow I lost my office scissors, so the next time I was in Staples, I bought a new pair of scissors made by Tonic Studios.

Back in the office, I tried to get them out of their display packaging - seems I needed a pair of scissors to free them. Ok, that's no problem - I just bought a pair, right?

Lastly, dig the order of the instructions on the top of the Nesquik

nestle.jpg

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September 27, 2007 - 10:52pm
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