Laughable warning labels

Because product-liability lawsuits are ever on the rise in the U.S. -- as well as the awards given those litigious plaintiffs by juries, which averaged $1.8 million in 2005 -- so too do the warning labels on our products grow more absurd. (Remember the iPod Shuffle's "Do Not Eat" warning? The company still hasn't admitted it was a joke.) Courtesy Forbes, here are some of the most laughable:

1. "Keep pet birds out of the kitchen when using this product."
Product: Bialetti Casa Italiana's nonstick pans

2. "Warning: This costume does not enable flight or super strength."
Product: Frankel's Costume Superman costumes

3. "Do not iron clothes on body."
Product: Rowenta's irons

Warning: more after the jump!

4. "Do not use for personal hygiene."
Product: Scrubbing Bubbles Fresh Brush

5. "This product moves when used."
Product: Razor scooter

6. "Ask a doctor before use if you have difficulty urinating due to an enlarged prostate."
Product: Midol Menstrual Complete

7. "Do Not Eat."
Product: Apple's iPod shuffle

(I can't help but remember the SNL fake commercial for the "Nerf Crotchbat." It's themesong was "Crotchbat, crotchbat / Nerf plus crotch equals lots of fun!" and ended with narrator Phil Hartman intoning, "Nerf Crotchbat ... not for use with crotch.")

What are some of the silliest warnings you've seen?

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Don't Have Space For a Christmas Tree? Decorate a Pineapple Instead

Christmas trees aren't for everyone. Some people can't fit a fir inside their cramped abodes, while others are turned off by the expense, or by the idea of bugs hitchhiking their way inside. Fake trees are always an option, but a new trend sweeping Instagram—pineapples as mini-Christmas "trees"—might convince you to forego the forest vibe for a more tropical aesthetic.

As Thrillist reports, the pineapple-as-Christmas-tree idea appears to have originated on Pinterest before it, uh, ripened into a social media sensation. Transforming a pineapple into a Halloween “pumpkin” requires carving and tea lights, but to make the fruit festive for Christmas all one needs are lights, ornaments, swaths of garland, and any other tiny tchotchkes that remind you of the holidays. The final result is a tabletop decoration that's equal parts Blue Hawaii and Miracle on 34th Street.

In need of some decorating inspiration? Check out a variety of “Christmas tree” pineapples below.

[h/t Thrillist]


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