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Alarming Situations

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I am both a night owl and a morning person (which means I'm an insomniac). The only reason I use an alarm clock is to pick the kids up at school on time. But some seriously deep sleepers (like my children) need more incentive to get out of bed than a "normal" alarm clock offers. You've read here about the Puzzle Alarm Clock, the Flying Alarm Clock, and Clocky the hiding clock, all designed to make you wake up and do something to turn the alarm off. The problem is that some heavy sleepers can learn to do those things without waking up! But clock designers are busy making it even harder for you to snooze.
For example, try this Bomb Clock. In order to turn off the alarm, you must connect the wires in the correct order, or an explosion will result. I don't think that will actually happen, but why take the chance?

They say that money is the biggest incentive in the world. That's the concept behind the Banclock. You have to feed it a coin to turn the alarm off. But eventually, you'll be able to take that money out. I think.

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The cops are coming! The Emergency Alarm Clock wakes you up with blue lights and a siren. You can attach it to the wall or window if you like. Also good for pranking your sleeping friends.

More ways to wake up, after the jump.

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You might think the siren clock would be the loudest, but this cute little innocent-looking Sonic Boom Sweetheart Alarm Clock has a 113 decibel alarm! That makes the volume about equivalent to being in the front row at a rock concert. That should wake you up. And everyone else within a mile radius.

 

You can program the IKEA Slabang Alarm Clock to use your voice as the alarm, or any sound you want, via its built-in microphone. This would be great for kids, since research shows children are more likely to wake to a parent's voice than to an alarm. Mark Frauenfelder recorded his to play "I Got You Babe", just like in the movie Groundhog Day.

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There are other pleasant ways to awaken. The Voco Clock wakes you with the soothing voice of Stephen Fry politely reminding you to wake up. "Good morning, sir. I'm so sorry to disturb you, but it appears to be morning. Very inconvenient, I agree, sir. I believe it is the rotation of the earth that is to blame, sir." But don't take my word for it; you can hear that and other wakeup phrases at the product site. A "Madam" version should be available soon.
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But the most pleasant way yet to wake up is to the smell of frying bacon. Place a frozen strip of bacon into the Bacon Clock before you retire. Ten minutes before alarm time, the clock begins to fry the bacon with halogen lamps. At your rising time, the bacon is ready and the smell is to die for. Who could sleep through that?

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If anyone builds a better alarm clock, I want to know about it.

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Wireless Recording Device Captures Studio-Quality Songs on the Go
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iStock

When they aren’t near a studio, some musicians settle for recording snippets of songs on their smart phones during the writing process. Spire Studio offers a better way: Small enough to fit inside a purse, the recording device allows artists to record and mix professional-grade tracks without stepping foot inside a recording booth.

According to Fast Company, Spire Studio is a new product from iZotope, a Massachusetts-based company that’s been in the recording business for more than 15 years. The sleek, cylindrical gadget is designed to be a modern tool for making music. Using it is simple, with a button for one-touch recording and a studio-quality microphone built in. It automatically adjusts levels for a smoother sound and gives musicians the choice to layer tracks on top of one another.

Once the actual music has been captured, users can move to the Spire Studio app to edit it. The device wirelessly connects to a smartphone where mixing and polishing tracks is easy even for a beginner to do. And if a friend wants to improve upon the song further, the file can easily be shared for them to play with it.

Spire Studio is designed to be accessible to musicians of all experience levels, but that’s no reason for serious recording artists look down upon it. Some professional bands, including The Ultramods and Gorillaz, have composed entire albums using nothing but iPad apps. Songwriters looking to graduate past the Voice Memos app on their phone can purchase Spire Studio for $350 when it hits the market this fall.

[h/t Fast Company]

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Mike Mozart, Flickr // CC BY 2.0
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Fart Gallery: A Novel History of Spencer Gifts
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Mike Mozart, Flickr // CC BY 2.0

When U.S. Army Corps bombardier Max Spencer Adler was shot down over Europe and imprisoned by the Nazis during World War II, it’s not likely he dreamed of one day becoming the czar of penis-shaped lollipops and lava lamps. But when Adler became a free man, he decided to capitalize on a booming post-war economy by doing exactly that—pursuing a career as the head of a gag gift mail-order empire that would eventually stretch across 600 retail locations and become a rite of passage for mall-trekking teens in the 1980s and 1990s.

To sneak into a Spencer Gifts store against your parents' wishes and revel in its array of tacky novelties and adult toys felt a little like getting away with something. Glowing with lasers and stuffed with Halloween masks, the layout always had something interesting within arm’s reach. But stocking the stores with such provocations sometimes carried consequences.

A row of lava lamps on display at Spencer Gifts
Dean Hochman, Flickr // CC BY 2.0

Returning from the war, Adler sensed a wave of relief running through the general population. Goods no longer had to be rationed, and toy factories could return to making nonessential items. The guilt of spending time or money on frivolous items was disappearing.

With his brother Harry, Adler started Spencer Gifts as a mail-order business in 1947. Their catalog, which became an immediate success, was populated with items like do-it-yourself backyard skating rinks and cotton candy makers [PDF]—items no one really needed but were inexpensive enough to indulge in. In some ways, the Spencer catalogs resembled the mail-order comic ads promising X-ray glasses and undersea fish kingdoms. Instead of kids, Adler was targeting the deeper pockets of adults.

Bolstered by that early success, Adler moved into a curious category: live animals. He had small donkeys transported from Mexico and marketed them as the new trend in domestic pets. LIFE magazine took note of the fad in 1954, observing the $85 burros, being sold at a clip of 40 a day, “except for stubbornness, are very placid.”

Burro fever foreshadowed the direction of Spencer’s in the years to come. The Adlers opened their first physical location—minus livestock—in Cherry Hill, New Jersey in 1963, expanding on their notion to peddle unique gift items like the Reduce-Eze girdle, which promised to shave inches off the wearer’s stomach. That claim caught the attention of the Federal Trade Commission, which chastised the company for advertising the device could reduce body weight without exercise [PDF]. The FTC also took them to task for implying their jewelry contained precious metals [PDF] when the items did not.

Offending the FTC aside, Spencer’s did a brisk enough business to garner the attention of California-based entertainment company Music Corporation of America, Inc. (MCA), which purchased the brand and proceeded to expand it in the rapidly growing number of malls across the country in the 1970s and 1980s. (The mail order business closed in 1990.)

Brick and mortar retail was ideal for their inventory, which encouraged perusal, store demonstrations, and roving bands of giggling teenagers. The company wanted its stores to capture foot traffic by stuffing its aisles with items that had a look-at-this factor—a novelty that invited someone to pick it up and show it to a friend. When executives saw specific categories taking off, they “Spencerized,” or amalgamated them. When there was a resurgence of interest in Rubik’s Cubes and merchandise from the 1983 Al Pacino film Scarface, visitors were soon greeted in stores by stacks of Scarface-themed Rubik’s Cubes.

Mike Mozart via Flickr

Apart from its busy aesthetic—“like the stage from an old Poison video,” as one journalist put it—Spencer's was also known for its inventory of risqué adult novelty items. Pole-dancing kits and sex-themed card games occupied a portion of the store’s layout. The toys captured a demographic that might have been too embarrassed to visit a dedicated adult store but felt that browsing in a mall was harmless.

Sometimes, the store’s blasé attitude toward stocking such items drew critical attention. In 2010, police in Rapid City, South Dakota seized hundreds of items because Spencer's had failed to register as an “adult-oriented business,” something the city ordinance required. As far back as the 1980s, parents in various locales had complained that suggestive material was viewable by minors. In 2008, ABC news affiliate WTVD in Durham, North Carolina dispatched two teenage girls with hidden cameras to see what they would be allowed to buy. While they were shooed away from a back-of-store display, they were able to purchase “two toy rabbits that vibrate, moan, and simulate sex” as well as a penis-shaped necklace.

As a possible consequence of the internet, there are fewer incidences of parental outrage directed at Spencer’s these days. And despite the general downturn of both malls and retail shopping, the company bolsters its bottom line with the seasonal arrival of Spirit Halloween, a pop-up store specializing in costumes. Despite only being open two months out of the year, their Spirit locations contribute to roughly half of Spencer's $250 million in annual revenue.

Today, the chain’s 650 stores remain a source for impulse shopping. They still occasionally court controversy over items that appear to stereotype the Irish as drunken oafs or other inflammatory merchandise. With traditional mall locations expected to shrink by as much as 25 percent over the next five years, it’s not quite clear whether their assortment of novelties will continue to have a large retail footprint. But so long as demand exists for fake poop, fart sprays, and penis ring toss kits, Spencer’s will probably have a home.

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