How to outwit a sasquatch

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Yes, more everyday, practical advice from your friends at Mental_Floss. Actually, today's lesson is excerpted from a wonderful little tome called The Action Heroine's Handbook, an at-a-glance guide to everything from the finer points of outrunning a fireball to the best techniques for choking a man with your bare thighs. This one's for your outdoorsy types.

1. Determine if you're in Bigfoot territory.
If you're off the beaten path, in a forested area in a climate that has heavy precipitation, you could be in the proverbial ballpark.

2. Use your senses.
Look: Bigfoots have distinctive five-toed footprints, up to 20 inches long and 7 inches wide.
Listen: Hear any cracking branches, heavy bipedal footfalls or unfamiliar grunts?
Smell: Bigfoots sometimes emit a sickening odor, described as a cross between a dead animal and a wet dog.

3. If you spot a Bigfoot, don't make prolonged eye contact.
Most sightings have been at a comfortable distance beyond 50 feet. Looking down may be interpreted as a sign of submission; instead, keep him (or her) in your peripheral vision.

4. Fool the sasquatch into thinking you're another creature of the forest.
Try mimicking the beast's current behavior -- kneel down, eat berries or vegetation -- to signal that you're not a threat.

5. Create a distraction.
Bigfoots are about as intelligent as the great apes in that they do not use fire or tools and are easily distracted. Try throwing a rock or a stick into the forest behind the beast. Do NOT throw anything AT the Bigfoot.

6. Hightail it.
Once you're out of sight, you can be reasonably sure that you're out of danger.

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December 6, 2006 - 3:43am
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