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My wife was just out of town for a week, visiting her family in Florida. Suddenly I found I had a lot more time on my hands, so I hunkered down to work. I checked off everything on my to-do list, and the house was suddenly cleaner than it had been in recent memory. But according to Floyd Kinney, Jr., a man currently on trial in Pennsylvania for molesting two girls, my wife's absence could've led to activities much more sinister than just scrubbing the bathtub.

Like, for instance, molesting people. "My wife was never home," Kinney said in his own defense. "She would be going to bingo three, four times a week. I told her to stop going to bingo, and she said, 'If they had bingo every day, I'd go every day,"' he said. Kinney's defense attorney, understandably mortified, later tried to explain that his client was confused, and wasn't doing a good job of explaining himself. But the judge disagreed, saying she thought Kinney's explanation was perfectly clear -- if a little silly. "I think he is telling me exactly what was going on," the judge said. "His wife was not home so he was going to perpetrate on someone and he picked these two children."

So what's the moral here? Don't let your wife leave the house? (No, but there's a movie about that.) Caveat Bingo? (Not quite, but if you do find yourself playing five nights a week, this website's for you.) Rather, I think it's don't let whiny clients speak in their own defense.

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December 4, 2006 - 6:25am
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