ABBA: for tenacity in the face of adversity.
Harold and Kumar: for finally, inspiringly, completing their heroic quest.
Carl Smith and Dave Jones: for proving that indeed, there's always a bigger fish.
The inventor of Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kids: for demonstrating that one shouldn't put one's fingers in one's mouth. Or any mouth, for that matter.
Matt, our reader: who claims to have charged 17 cents at Kinko's. We're pretty much always annoyed with Kinko's; we really think he deserves this award more than anyone else.
The inventor of the only alarm clock that's ever worked for us.
King George III. (We said "Person of the Year;" we didn't say which year.)