Attention, Albert Broccoli: New Bond movie ideas!

Mary
filed under: , Movies, contests
Image credit: 

Now that we've seen "Casino Royale," we're getting psyched for the next Bond movie, which according to winner #1, Sheldon Siegel, will have a title in keeping with the rest of the Bond catalogue: "Golden Shower."

Where is James going? gay bath house
What's his best throwaway line? "Now THAT'S what I call shaken, not stirred."
Who is he after (villains and love interests)?
Villain: Blowfelt
Love Interest: Shees Hung

As for winner #2, who was supposed to take the idea (slightly) more seriously, we liked two proposals that had great possibilities for cameos. First, there was "Icebreaker," in which Bond saves the world from melting polar icecaps (suggested cameo: Al Gore). We also liked "In the Shadows of Tomorrow," which takes place in Uzbekistan and the apparently fictional country of Kyrgykistan (unsuggested but obvious cameo: Borat). But all told, we couldn't resist the proposal for "Beneath the Blue," which:

1. managed the unlikely feat of being a health PSA as well as a Bond movie

2. featured a character named "Castro Fidel"

3. included more dialogue than you'll find in the whole of "Casino Royale" -- all of which you'll find after the jump

4. Was written by someone with the fantastic Bond-girl name of "Jamieson Wolf." Congratulations, Jamieson!

Daniel Craig will repraise his role in the newest Bond flick:

BENEATH THE BLUE

When the film begins, Bond is on vacation in Maui, enjoying the sun, the women and the waves. After his latest mission, he is due for some R and R. But his vacation is about to be cut short.

Tanning under the hot rays of the Maui sun, Bond sees a familiar person approaching him. She is wearing a wide brimmed hat and glasses that hide her eyes, but Bond knows it is M.

"Enjoying the sun, Bond?"

"Yes, I always enjoy skin cancer. What can I do for you, M?"

The woman stiffens. "Don't call me that out loud." She lowers herself to the blanket beside him. "How did you know it was me?"

"No one else I know walks like you do."

"And what way is that?"

"Like you have a rod shoved up your butt."

She laughs softly, but there is no humour in it. "You must be wondering why I've come to see you on your time off."

"Not really." Bond sits up, puts his sun glasses on to block the sun. "You always inturrpt at the most inconvienient times. I'm used to it by now."

"This is a matter of great urgencey." M. looks grief stricken. "This is really a personal matter"¦"

"If you want to get personal, the least you could do is let me kiss you first." Bond smiles. "No tongue, I promise."

M. goes on to relate that her husband Frederick Tanner, a PHD who has found the cure for cancer, has been taken from their home by a hospice group that hopes to ransom off the cure for millions of dollars.

The group, led by Castro Fidel, is the most terrifying man next to Hitler.

"I didn't know you were married." Bond says.

"We don't know anything about each other, aside from the fact that we can kill if we have to. That's what makes our job so exciting."

"It's a shame the turn over rate is so high." Bond sighs. "They're not making agents like they used to."

M. takes his hand. "That's why I need you, Bond. Will you find my husband for me?"

"You realize if I go after Castro Fidel, I may very likely die."

"Is death a small price to pay to grant a favour?" M. asks.

Bond kisses her hand, softly. "Not for you, M. Not for you"¦"

Bond looks up; a leggy brunette is watching their conversation, following every word. "We are being watched"¦"

Will Bond prevail? Will he save Frederick Tanner? Who is the leggy brunette and will she fall for Bond like every other Bond Girl? Will the cure for cancer itself be relased to the world?

Watch BENEATH THE BLUE to find out!

More from mental_floss...

November 20, 2006 - 1:09pm
submit to reddit