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Greg Veis, YouTube Hunter: The Jobs/Gates War

Bill Gates and Steve Jobs. Oh, the outrage they incite. So much as mention the name Bill Gates around a Mac-olyte, and you're promised to get 10 minutes of intolerable screeching that will include the words "devil" and "nerdy little goober." Same vitriol goes the other way around, too, except substitute the references to: "pompous prick" and "substance-less prick."

Me, I don't have a horse in the race. I prefer Macs and my iPod gives me the tinglies -- but Bill Gates certainly does some nice stuff for the poor. Can't fault a man for that. I'm more interested in the human drama between the two -- their differences in personality and approach; how their rivalry sparks (and sometimes hinders) large-scale technological progress; what preferring one to the other says about you, etc etc. It's juicy material that made for a kinda watchable Noah Wyle flick... no easy feat.

So, today, a side-by-side comparison of these two corporate titans in action. Tell me whose public style you prefer and why in the comments section, and please please please don't turn this into a "Mac sux," no, "Windows sux" geek-fest. In fact, don't write "sux" at all. It's not a word. Thank you.

This first video is from 1984, at a Macintosh unveiling. Two things to watch for: 1) Jobs' smuggitude in extremis (not hard to pick up on), and 2) the crowd's going absolutely ape-poop at the four minute mark.

And here Jobs is some years later discussing -- again, with an air some might call haughty ("some" referring to those with eyes and barely registerable brain function) -- a key problem with Windows:

Compare that performance to Gates' in the early days:

One last Jobs video, this one a clever -- and probably time-extensive -- remix of his favorite expressions:

Next, two Bill Gates YouTubes. The first is a reaction to a mid-demo flub-up, and the second most likely offers the best opportunity we're going to get to seeing Bill Gates seriously peeved.

And, for no reason, here's Bill Gates getting shot in the South Park movie:

Before I go, a quick note about next week's YouTube Hunter entry, which will be a 2006 Election Round-Up. If any commercials or events on the campaign trail this year struck you as particularly noteworthy (think macaca), please send them over, because next week we'll be celebrating the first YouTube election by running down the best video-captured moments of Midterms '06.

'Til then...

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Animals
25 Benefits of Adopting a Rescue Dog
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According to the ASPCA, 3.3 million dogs enter shelters each year in the United States. Although that number has gone down since 2011 (from 3.9 million) there are still millions of dogs waiting in shelters for a forever home. October is Adopt a Shelter Dog Month; here are 25 benefits of adopting a shelter dog.

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fun
How Urban Legends Like 'The Licked Hand' Are Born
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If you compare the scary stories you heard as a kid with those of your friends—even those who grew up across the country from you—you’ll probably hear some familiar tales. Maybe you tried to summon Bloody Mary by chanting her name in front of the mirror three times in a dark bathroom. Maybe you learned never to wonder what’s under a woman’s neck ribbon. Maybe you heard the one about the girl who feels her dog lick her hand in the middle of the night, only to wake up to find him hanging dead from the shower nozzle, the words “humans can lick too” written on the wall in the dog’s blood.

These ubiquitous, spooky folk tales exist everywhere, and a lot of them take surprisingly similar forms. How does a single story like the one often called “Humans Can Lick Too” or "The Licked Hand" make its way into every slumber party in America? Thrillist recently investigated the question with a few experts, finding that most of these stories have very deep roots.

In the case of The Licked Hand, its origins go back more than a century. In the 1990s, Snopes found that a similar motif dates back to an Englishman’s diary entry from 1871. In it, the diary keeper, Dearman Birchall, retold a story he heard at a party of a man whose wife woke him up in the middle of the night, urging him to go investigate what sounded like burglars in their home. He told his wife that it was only the dog, reaching out his hand. He felt the dog lick his hand … but in the morning, all his valuables were gone: He had clearly been robbed.

A similar theme shows up in the short story “The Diary of Mr. Poynter,” published in 1919 by M.R. James. In it, a character dozes off in an armchair, and thinks that he is petting his dog. It turns out, it’s some kind of hairy human figure that he flees from. The story seems to have evolved from there into its presently popular form, picking up steam in the 1960s. As with any folk tale, its exact form changes depending on the teller: sometimes the main character is an old lady, other times it’s a young girl.

You’ll probably hear these stories in the context of happening to a “friend of a friend,” making you more likely to believe the tale. It practically happened to someone you know! Kind of! The setting, too, is probably somewhere nearby. It might be in your neighborhood, or down by the local railroad tracks.

Thrillist spoke to Dr. Joseph Stubbersfield, a researcher in the UK who studies urban legends, who says the kind of stories that spread widely contain both social information and emotional resonance. Meaning they contain a message—you never know who’s lurking in your house—and are evocative.

If something is super scary or gross, you want to share it. Stories tend to warn against something: A study of English-language urban legends circulating online found that most warned listeners about the hazards of life (poisonous plants, dangerous animals, dangerous humans) rather than any kind of opportunities. We like to warn each other of the dangers that could be lurking around every corner, which makes sense considering our proven propensity to focus on and learn from negative information. And yes, that means telling each other to watch out for who’s licking our hands in the middle of the night.

Just something to keep in mind as you eagerly await Jezebel’s annual scary story contest.

[h/t Thrillist]

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