Apparently, helping the sick means not taking your med school cues from the movies. In fact, the Ririan Project has compiled a pretty great list of the Top 10 things you ought not to do, including peeing on jellyfish stings and sucking on snakebites. Of course, my favorite of the group is this one:

5. Slapping a Raw Steak on a Black Eye
In the movies, you always see someone put a raw steak over their black eye. While it may feel good, the grease from the steak might get into the eye, causing more inflammation. "The only medical merit this has is if it's a cold steak," says Flip Homansky, M.D., who's seen his share of shiners in his work for the Nevada State Athletic Commission, which regulates Las Vegas's boxing bouts. "The cold will decrease swelling, but there is no enzyme or anything else in a raw steak that will help otherwise." The fact that the steak, compared with blocks of ice or ice cubes, can be formed to fit over the eye is another benefit, but a cheaper and less bacteria-prone solution is a bag of frozen peas, or crushed ice in a plastic bag wrapped in a towel. And remember, you will still end up with bruising.

Ugh! Somehow it had never occurred to me that meat grease could slide into your eye and cause an infection. In any case, I've never had to worry about such things. Being a vegetarian, I've only got slabs of tofu in my freezer, which I'm pretty certain no one wants pressed up against their face. Link via the ever-fantastic Neatorama