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Greg Veis, YouTube Hunter: 1 Filthy British Kids' Show

YouTube Hunter Quiz!

Q: From Transformers to Barney, Sesame Street to Dora the Explorer, what, more than anything, do children's shows aired on American television lack?

A: Filthy sexual innuendo.

An easy one, I know. But consider Rainbow, a kids' show that ran on British TV for 20 years, from 1972 to 1992. (There have been ill-advised revival attempts, but that's neither here nor there.) By day, this show helped tiny Britons with their English skills while making them laugh. Oh, the laughter! By night, however, as evidenced by the YouTube below, Rainbow was a low-grade nightcrawler, a disgrace, a syphilitic pock upon the national consciousness. Check this video out (and read the transcript):

Kind of makes you want to take a shower, doesn't it? Kind of fantastic, too -- the sort of thing you always hoped would pop up in kiddie shows when you were 13 and babysitting some snotty two-year-old on a Friday night for $6 an hour and all the pop in the fridge.

To answer the inevitable question: no, that segment never aired. It was produced as an in-house joke/Christmas present for the Thames TV staff in 1979. So resheathe your swords, moral highgrounders.

To answer the other inevitable question: no, I don't know why the word "rainbow" is such a popular one for titles of children's shows. That's a better question for LeVar Burton.

But something I do know? This is a truly entertaining music/comedy sketch from Thomas F. Wilson, better known as Biff Tannen:

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Bleat Along to Classic Holiday Tunes With This Goat Christmas Album
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Feeling a little Grinchy this month? The Sweden branch of ActionAid, an international charity dedicated to fighting global poverty, wants to goat—errr ... goad—you into the Christmas spirit with their animal-focused holiday album: All I Want for Christmas is a Goat.

Fittingly, it features the shriek-filled vocal stylings of a group of festive farm animals bleating out classics like “Jingle Bells,” “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” and “O Come All Ye Faithful.” The recording may sound like a silly novelty release, but there's a serious cause behind it: It’s intended to remind listeners how the animals benefit impoverished communities. Goats can live in arid nations that are too dry for farming, and they provide their owners with milk and wool. In fact, the only thing they can't seem to do is, well, sing. 

You can purchase All I Want for Christmas is a Goat on iTunes and Spotify, or listen to a few songs from its eight-track selection below.

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What Are the 12 Days of Christmas?
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Everyone knows to expect a partridge in a pear tree from your true love on the first day of Christmas ... But when is the first day of Christmas?

You'd think that the 12 days of Christmas would lead up to the big day—that's how countdowns work, as any year-end list would illustrate—but in Western Christianity, "Christmas" actually begins on December 25th and ends on January 5th. According to liturgy, the 12 days signify the time in between the birth of Christ and the night before Epiphany, which is the day the Magi visited bearing gifts. This is also called "Twelfth Night." (Epiphany is marked in most Western Christian traditions as happening on January 6th, and in some countries, the 12 days begin on December 26th.)

As for the ubiquitous song, it is said to be French in origin and was first printed in England in 1780. Rumors spread that it was a coded guide for Catholics who had to study their faith in secret in 16th-century England when Catholicism was against the law. According to the Christian Resource Institute, the legend is that "The 'true love' mentioned in the song is not an earthly suitor, but refers to God Himself. The 'me' who receives the presents refers to every baptized person who is part of the Christian Faith. Each of the 'days' represents some aspect of the Christian Faith that was important for children to learn."

In debunking that story, Snopes excerpted a 1998 email that lists what each object in the song supposedly symbolizes:

2 Turtle Doves = the Old and New Testaments
3 French Hens = Faith, Hope and Charity, the Theological Virtues
4 Calling Birds = the Four Gospels and/or the Four Evangelists
5 Golden Rings = the first Five Books of the Old Testament, the "Pentateuch", which gives the history of man's fall from grace.
6 Geese A-laying = the six days of creation
7 Swans A-swimming = the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, the seven sacraments
8 Maids A-milking = the eight beatitudes
9 Ladies Dancing = the nine Fruits of the Holy Spirit
10 Lords A-leaping = the ten commandments
11 Pipers Piping = the eleven faithful apostles
12 Drummers Drumming = the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle's Creed

There is pretty much no historical evidence pointing to the song's secret history, although the arguments for the legend are compelling. In all likelihood, the song's "code" was invented retroactively.

Hidden meaning or not, one thing is definitely certain: You have "The Twelve Days of Christmas" stuck in your head right now.

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