We've been getting an enormous amount of "comment spam" lately, about half of it from variations on the email address email@example.com and linking to www.jonny.com. The spammer leaves only one word in his comment space, which is "jonny." We are getting really, really sick of "jonny." So, readers, we're gonna do something about it.
But before we launch our attack, we need to make sure this "jonny" isn't someone wealthy and/or famous who could retaliate. Here is our short list of suspects so far:
1. Jonny Wilkinson, the strapping young man at left, one of the great pro rugby players of all time. Responsible for England's World Cup victory in 2003, he's a national hero on par with David Beckham. Jonny, if you're "jonny," don't worry about the spam! Keep it coming! And, er, call me!
2. Jonny Lee Miller, who you either know as Sick Boy from Trainspotting, as Angelina Jolie's first husband, or as an actor on the new CBS criminal drama Smith, which also stars Ray Liotta and Virginia Madsen. Bet you didn't know that his granddad, Bernard Lee, played M in the early James Bond movies.
3. Jonny Greenwood, the lead guitarist for Radiohead (and recently named by Rolling Stone as one of the Top 100 Guitarists of All Time). He's also been known to play the viola, organ, piano, xylophone, glockenspiel, ondes martenot, harmonica, banjo, and trumpet. And he had a cameo in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Sigh.
In sum, either our "jonny" is a dreamy British male celebrity, or not.
For part 2 of our campaign, we're going to sic you guys on "jonny." Who is this jerk? We know that some of you must have the Internet expertise to figure it out. Yes, he's almost certainly a bot and not a person (so, not even a "he"), but if it's at all possible we want to take him down. Report Thursday at noon for your instructions, and bring your Swiss Army knives and Rambo-style headscarves. (Automatic weapons won't be necessary. Probably.)