Contest: Your favorite song, but better
Since you guys were so enthusiastic about mondegreens (or, for our new readers, misheard lyrics, like "'scuse me while I kiss this guy"), we thought we'd build on that for this week's contest.
In my household, we always get annoyed when "Just Like Tom Thumb's Blues" comes on the radio -- not because we don't like the song, but because Bob Dylan obviously missed a major lyrical opportunity. Consider the line: "They got some hungry women there and they really make a mess outta you." Clearly, the line should be "They got some hungry women there and they really make a meal outta you."
Similarly, what were the Butthole Surfers thinking when they wrote "I can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes?" Hellooo? "I can taste you on my lips and smell you in my nose," anyone?
Anyway, I'm guessing that you guys have some of these too -- lyrics you've improved on, lyrics you insist on singing your way in the car (or the shower or, God forbid, the karaoke bar). Email 'em to us or leave them in the comments, and we'll send the winning entrant a copy of Condensed Knowledge, in which he'll learn (among other things) that "Every Breath You Take" is (a) not a love song, (b) perhaps not about stalking either, and (c) possibly a "subtle social commentary on what the group thought was ever-increasing interference by government into private lives."