If you were thinking of taking a nice road trip this weekend, perhaps to enjoy the good weather or to forget briefly that your life is little more than a neverending series of disappointments, one word of advice: stay away from Sikeston, Missouri. It is a DEN OF BLOOD. The reason: a monkey named Alex. He has terrorized Sikestonians for too long, eating shirts of the young and attacking even when unprovoked. In short, Alex is an angry little monkey.
And Alex is not alone. Monkeys, chimps, and simeans of all furs are aggressive and, as you may have become aware of due to the work of the Fox network, THEY WILL ATTACK. Take, for instance, the story of these monkeys who got stoned to the bejesus and laid waste to a town in India. Or this one who contracted hay fever and went haywire earlier this year in Maine. And don't forget this guy.
So, while I wish everyone a happy weekend, I also hope it is monkey-free, for they are not friends to you and me.